


Sands of Time

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dark, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-29
Updated: 2006-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: An easy mission goes wrong and may cost Jack and Daniel their new relationship.





	Sands of Time

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Thank you, as ever, to my betas Winterstar and Cheryl who helped me so much on this third installment.  


* * *

"Careful, now."

"Jack!" Daniel sighed in frustration.

"You have to take it easy!" Jack insisted.

"JACK!" His patience was gone. He knew his friend meant well, but honestly, a man could only take so much! "I've been doing this since I was five. I think I got it!" A bored Jack was a danger to them all, and his attempt at supervising Daniel's delicate work was becoming infuriating, to say the least.

Jack held up his hands in surrender, and backed off to let Daniel continue. The archaeologist was carefully brushing off a wall of script that SG-11 had been convinced held the location of some sort of super weapon. "Okay, okay." 

Daniel sighed, lowering his brush. He may dearly love the man, but getting any kind of work done today with Jack's constant hovering was proving to be impossible.

"Jack, while I respect that you're anxious enough to get your hands on this weapon that you're starting to appreciate the delicacies of archaeology, I'm sure the others would benefit from your delightful company while they set up camp." 

Jack narrowed his eyes at his lover. "Is that a polite way of telling me to get lost?" 

"Truthfully? Yes!" Daniel replied bluntly. 

Jack sighed and nodded, as though greatly put out. He looked down and scuffed his toes in the dirt. "All right. I can take a hint." 

Daniel glanced back at his lover, and took a moment to decide if Jack was really upset, or was just trying to garner sympathy. A guilt trip might allow him to stay. Damn, the man was good. Daniel almost couldn't tell the difference- until he caught a furtive glance from his SO. 

Daniel smiled patiently as he turned away. "Just make sure you take it outside."

~*~

"Daniel kicked you out, didn't he, Sir?" Sam Carter asked as she sighed in frustration. The afternoon had been going well, until the Colonel had shown up to 'help' set up camp, which turned out to be 'supervise, and direct'. It had always been hers and Teal'c's job to set up the camp, since Daniel usually rushed off, and the Colonel not far behind. 

"It would appear so, MajorCarter," Teal'c responded. Jack remained silent, then growled at the Jaffa. This simply earned him an arched eyebrow.

"Finish up here. I'm going to do a perimeter check. Carter, you have kitchen detail," Jack ordered as he stalked out of the camp. Sam turned to glare at her friend. 

"How is it I get punished when you're the one who provoked him?" she demanded. 

"I believe DanielJackson would call it 'the luck of the draw'," Teal'c replied calmly. Sam had to hide a snicker. Nothing lucky about it. Teal'c couldn't cook, period. Neither could she, but her simple cuisine was still the lesser of two evils. One of these days Teal'c was going to figure out why someone else always volunteered to cook when it was his turn. She had almost told him about his astonishing lack of culinary skills, but didn't feel like spending the night in a tent with a pissy Jaffa. And Teal'c could get very pissy.

"Don't look so smug, Teal'c! I didn't volunteer for KP, but that means you've got latrine duty!"

She tried not to look triumphant, but Teal'c's crestfallen sigh of resignation was very satisfying. Who said Jaffa were always stone faced?

~*~

Jack settled himself at the base of a tree not far from where his lover was working. He could see Daniel, but Daniel couldn't see him. He'd finished his perimeter check, and was now looking forward to a few hours of relaxation. It was hard work, annoying that many people in one day!

It was a perfect summer day. It was warm, with enough of a breeze to keep it from being hot. This planet had no bugs, no animal life of any kind. The large tree he was sitting under provided great shade, the grass soft enough to provide a comfortable seat. He couldn't have chosen a better planet for Daniel's first mission back since the coma if he'd done it himself. He definitely owed SG11 a huge favor. 

SG11 could have simply brought back a video of the wall inscriptions, but it appeared that everyone was looking out for their favorite civilian. Lt. Thompson had insisted the wall had to be translated in situ, and that only Daniel could do it. Thompson had tried his best, really, but it was totally foreign to him. Especially since they'd only spent an hour here. Long enough to look, find one specific word that would land this paradise in Dr. Daniel Jackson's lap, get their story straight, and come back.

Jack smiled. Oh yeah, huge, huge favor. A nice long dig somewhere. He glanced at his friend, who was working hard at the wall. He knew Daniel would figure out the ruse as soon as he stopped thinking past the word 'weapon'. Which so far, he hadn't done. Daniel would have been in heaven, if it hadn't been for that one word. As it was, this was simply a reminder for the way the SGC Directives were changing. Another step down for the importance of scientific exploration.

Still, it was safe. SG-11 had made sure of that. Daniel needed a 'soft' mission to get back on his feet. Over a month in a coma, and two weeks of recovery in the infirmary hadn't exactly convinced the General SG1 was ready for their normal, stressful first contacts. People meant there was a chance that something could go wrong. Obviously, General Hammond had felt the same way, or else he wouldn't have let SG11 get away with such a flimsy explanation.

His lover was still far too thin, suffered migraines regularly, and had trouble eating certain foods. He was still weak, though he tried to hide that fact. Jack was amazed at how well the linguist could completely snow Janet. But he couldn't do the same to his partner. Jack knew him too well, and being the over protective mother hen that he was, he had been watching the signs carefully. Unfortunately, Daniel had endured as much mental stress as he had physical. They had done what they could to heal his body, and had taken long steps in healing his mind. But he still had a long way to go. As much as Jack knew Daniel physically still needed rest and recovery time, he knew equally that Daniel needed to work, to take back some normalcy in his life.

Speaking of which. He watched the shoulders slump, and the hand come up to rub at his temples. Daniel was running out of steam. He'd done well. Most of the morning was gone, and they'd arrived at sunrise on this planet. It was why he was sticking so close. He'd known it was only a matter of time before Daniel pooped out at the pass. Jack stood, and made his way over to his lover.

"Danny?" he called softly. He had gotten better at not treating Daniel like a crystal doll, but there were some things he hadn't been willing to push. Daniel still tensed at really close contact, though it took him only seconds to remember it was Jack and relax. Sneaking up on him and pulling them together was not yet an option. And yelling would only compound the headache.

"Yeah. Camp all set up?" Jack nodded, busy taking a packet from his pocket, ripping it open, and shaking two Tylenol into his hand. It didn't matter. Daniel still had his back to him. Jack squatted down, and held his hand out. Daniel glanced at the pills, and shook his head. "I don't need them."

"Daniel, I know you have a headache. Please." Daniel hung his head, and sighed. Jack was right, of course, he had a major headache. He wished he knew how Jack managed to see through his facades. Janet never caught on! How come Jack always did? He felt Jack's knuckles brush his cheek and automatically lifted his head to the soft affection. Jack beamed a smile at him. "I love you, Danny. I see everything about you."

This had been a surprising factor for Daniel. Jack had no problems expressing his feelings when it came to Daniel. The man had always been more open with him than anyone else, right from the start, but every stolen moment in the infirmary had revealed a new level of intimate murmurs from the older man. At first, it had made Daniel uncomfortable. Not because he didn't enjoy it, but because he couldn't reciprocate. But Jack had understood, had insisted that as long as Daniel was able to accept it from him, he could live with it.

His only other real relationship had been with Sha're. Among the Abydonians, she had been a possession. He wasn't expected to murmur sweet nothings in her ear. She was expected to obey. If her husband happened to be kind enough to request, not to order, then so much the better. Daniel had never treated her as a possession. She was a leader's daughter, a princess by all accounts. He'd refused to treat her like his servant.

It was a small way he could make up for his intimacy problems. He never beat her, never spoke harshly to her, and made sure to run for her smallest request. Their lovemaking was good in that it was frequent, though faster than he liked. Survival in the desert meant late nights and early mornings. Only once had he been able to show his young wife what it could really be like. Ironic, that they had discovered this the night before Jack had returned, and his life had been turned upside down.

"Daniel!" Daniel immediately shrunk back from the sharp bark as his thoughts were interrupted. He blinked, and felt bad because he could see Jack's hand holding position in mid air between them. Jack had tried to touch him, and he'd shied away. Embarrassed, Daniel sat up, but Jack didn't reach for him again. Instead, he lowered his hand, and his head.

"You were zoning. I tried to talk to you, but you weren't with me. I, um, I'm sorry I startled you." Jack stood, and Daniel knew he'd messed up, real bad. Jack was hurt. He reached out and grabbed the older mans hand, giving it a little yank to get the man beside him again. His lover wouldn't look at him, but did sink down in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Jack. It was a reaction!" Daniel pleaded. He watched as Jack took a deep breath, and nodded.

"It's okay, Daniel." It sounded forced, even to his ears. He watched as Daniel bit down on his bottom lip, and ducked his head. It wasn't okay, and they both knew it. But it wasn't in Jack to watch his lover suffer alone. Moving slowly, he gathered the younger man into his arms, and held him tight.

He closed his eyes in pain when he felt Daniel tense momentarily before relaxing a little. He felt Daniel hesitantly put his arms around him, as if wondering whether or not he was actually allowed to. That reluctance hurt, Jack admitted. 

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Do you trust me?" Jack interrupted. He felt Daniel try to pull away and tightened his hold, resting his cheek on the top of his lover's head.

"Of course I do, Jack."

"You know I would never hurt you? I may screw up a lot in this relationship. I may hurt you with something I say, or do. Never intentionally, but it's part of having a relationship. It means giving that other person the power to hurt you emotionally. What I need you to understand, Daniel, to truly believe, is that I will never strike you! I'd put a bullet in my head before I would let myself hit or hurt you physically. Barring turning into a neanderthal," Jack teased, trying to lighten the mood, trying to let Daniel see that although he was hurt, he understood.

"I know, Jack." Jack could see that his attempt at levity had failed. Guilt was coming off his significant other in waves. Time to show Daniel just how much he paid attention!

"Yes, you know that. But that little boy inside doesn't really believe it, does he? Everyone's he's loved has either left him, or hurt him. He doesn't know what it's like to be safe. Oh, he's heard promises. Even dared to believe them once upon a time. Each time one of those promises got broken, it took him longer to believe next time, until he stopped believing at all."

"Jack, I-" Daniel's breathing hitched, breaking off. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't refute it. And it would kill him to admit it.

"Shhh, I know. I hear your nightmares. I told you, Daniel. I see everything about you. Someday, Angel, you're going to believe you're safe. Until then, you're going to react, and I'm going to be hurt because today isn't the day you know it soul deep. We just have to believe that we'll get through it. Together. One step at a time, okay?" 

Jack felt Daniel nod against his chest. He could also feel the fine tremors of suppressed pain and weakness. Daniel was done for the day. Now he just had to convince his stubborn archaeologist of that fact. He remembered the pills that rattled loosely in his fist.

"Danny? You going to take these?" Daniel sighed. He wanted to stay here, in Jacks arms. For the moment, he felt safe, loved, and comforted. But they were offworld, and he had a mission. He squashed the mild fear that popped up as he pulled away from his lover, and Jack actually let him go. 

"No, Jack. They'll make me tired, and I need to find this weapon." 

"You're already tired. Take them. Please. Then come back to camp, and have a little nap. Fraiser will have a fit if you return in worse condition than when you left. We still have three more days here."

Jack frowned as Daniel took the pills without further argument, nor even trying to argue against going back to camp. Instead, he rose obediently to his feet, and started gathering his things. It was then that Jack noticed Daniel's hands were shaking. Definitely time to move. As it was, the small effort of cleaning up seemed to be sapping his friend's strength at a great rate.

They made it three steps away from the wall when Daniel stumbled. Jack automatically reached out a hand to steady him.

"I'm fine."

Jack growled. "I've never hated two words more in my life. Drop your stuff. I'll send Teal'c back for it. Then lean on me." Daniel shook his head, wincing when the action sent blood pounding through his head.

"No. Let's just go." He forged on ahead before Jack had a chance to reply. He knew what was going to happen. He'd passed out enough times in his life to recognize the signs. He was hoping to make it to camp before that happened. Hopefully, it would hold off until he was in his sleeping bag and away from Jack's eyes.

Jack kept close. He wasn't the fool Daniel seemed to think he was. He'd seen enough men drop from over exertion after an injury to know the signs. The military was full of stubborn mules like his lover. Daniel wasn't going to make it back to camp. If they got halfway, Jack would be impressed at the young man's will power. For the moment, he contented himself with thinking up synonyms for 'stubborn' in alphabetical order.

Daniel never even made it halfway. Almost- but not quite. He collapsed so fast even Jack wasn't fast enough to catch him. Damn, it was not going to be fun explaining the new bruises to Fraiser! Jack sighed as he knelt beside his friend. Then he turned to his radio.

"Teal'c, you want to head toward the wall. Carter, make sure Daniel's sleeping bag is set up."

"Yes, Sir. Is everything all right?"

"Peachy keen, Carter. Daniel passed out. Have you ever noticed how stubborn our resident archaeologist/linguist is?"

A snort came through. "No, Sir." 

"Good, thought it was just me for a second."

~*~

Sam watched as the Colonel anxiously paced around the small camp. Teal'c had carried the weakened man in over two hours ago, and Daniel still hadn't woken up. She knew Colonel O'Neill was toying with the idea of taking him back to the SGC and delivered into Janet's tender loving care, which wouldn't be so tender when she discovered that Daniel had pushed himself too far, too fast. Daniel would be crushed. He'd been so happy to get out of the infirmary, even if it meant only light duty.

SG-11 had provided a well timed miracle. Daniel had been on light duty for two days, and had been confined to base for that time. Just as Daniel had been about ready to go out of his mind, Lt. Thompson had delivered this planet into the archaeologist's hands, and the mention of weapons had been enough to over rule Janet's verdict that Daniel was to remain on light duty.

It probably wasn't exactly the type of milk run the Colonel had had in mind when he was looking for a soft mission. She thought it was better. The only possible detriment was that Daniel was still putting his skills to use in searching for another destruction device. Still, no life, no threats. The choice between Daniel being a little unhappy, and Daniel possibly being shot wasn't a difficult one.

"Sir, I'm sure he's just pushed himself too far. He should be better in the morning." 

"Indeed, O'Neill. DanielJackson merely requires rest," Teal'c threw in. 

Neither platitude seemed to calm their agitated CO. Sam bit her lip. She was worried too. She loved her 'little brother'. Daniel's physical breakdown had given them all a scare, and an insight into how much Daniel valued, loved, and relied on all of them. He had nothing left, except for them. But it was times like these where she really hated the way the world worked. She didn't think it was fair that she could coddle Daniel and worry openly about him while the man who loved him had to bear it in silence, alone.

For a quick moment, Sam cursed Daniel for being so selfish, but dismissed this. There had been reasons, and it was the way Daniel handled things. She wished she could talk to the Colonel, let him know he didn't have to pretend around them. He was her friend, too. Damn the rules that made this impossible!

A glance at Teal'c showed a similar frustration in his eyes. They both wanted to help their friend. Still mentally cursing, Sam turned back to Daniel's notes. He hadn't found much. She could see his weakened state progressing as she read. The normally impeccable pen had slowly degraded. 

Jack continued to pace around the camp sight, trying to wear off some of his frustration. He hadn't even acknowledged Teal'c's and Carter's attempts to reassure him. He knew Daniel was getting better, albeit slowly. Janet had warned him that little episodes like this were to be expected. It was impossible to knock at death's door and walk away unscathed. Knowing something was going to happen, and seeing it happen, was apparently two totally different things. 

He couldn't stop thinking about the little talk they'd had by the wall. Watching Daniel cringe away from him hurt even more now than it had months ago. This appeared to fall into the knowing and seeing category. Jack knew Daniel was working hard for this relationship. All the little things he pushed himself to do, to say and to accept, were all noticed. Working past a fear as deeply ingrained as Daniel's was never easy. 

But Jack wanted so badly to know that Daniel was secure enough with him to know deep down in his soul that Jack was here for the long haul. That it would take more than some bad memories to push him away. He had his own daemons. But then, Daniel knew about those. Had comforted Jack many a night in the tents they shared off world. Daniel had more classified information in his head than just the Stargate program. He'd never said anything, never betrayed Jack's confidence.

Jack wanted Daniel to be able to trust him with the same thing, and he had already told him so much. Unfortunately, he knew there was so much more. Daniel was too strong to be taken out by one or two events, even as traumatizing as they were. 

A stirring noise from the tent had him rushing inside. He noticed Carter and Teal'c both move closer to the entrance, but were careful to keep a discreet distance. Some part in the back of his mind made note of this, and wondered, but his attention was centered on the waking man in front of him. He knelt next to his lover, and gently swept back an errant hair on the smooth forehead.

"Come on, Danny, wake up."

"J'ck?"

Jack smiled. "Yeah. I don't suppose you want to open your eyes?"

Daniel groaned, and tried to roll over as he mumbled, "Just five more minutes, Jack. Then we can go fry the Goa'uld that did this." 

Jack grinned. He knew Daniel was fooling around, a light hearted way of telling his lover he was all right. Jack felt his panic recede. Just an episode, nothing serious. A consequence of too much, too soon.

"No Gould here, Danny. Just a wall-"

Daniel shot up as he interrupted Jack. "A wall! That's it!" Jack leaned back to avoid the flailing hands as Daniel spoke. "I've been missing a piece of the puzzle. I think I have it now! Jack, it's not a weapon!"

"It's not?"

"No, or, at least, not in the conventional sense. It's a bridge, of some sort. I'm not sure to where, or what it's supposed to connect. I'd have to read more. The text ends suddenly. I thought at first the first half must have worn off, but I think there's more on the other side!" 

Jack watched his archaeologist in full swing. Daniel's hands were flying even as he tried to get out of the sleeping bag, words pouring out of his mouth, and passion flaring in those cerulean eyes. Jack almost held his breath, wishing this moment could last forever, this image of Daniel stamped in his mind. He'd missed this. 

"There's nothing on the other side, Daniel, except a big huge river with some very fast currents and large rapids. We checked, remember?" Daniel shook his head, a small wince the only sign his headache hadn't gone completely.

"No, Jack, we checked the landscape on the other side, not the other half of the wall itself. Come on, I'll show you!" The invitation was made even as Daniel passed through the entrance, nearly knocking over Sam and Teal'c. Jack shook his head and followed. He'd missed this passion. Okay, so Daniel was probably over doing it again, but he wouldn't settle until he'd either proved or disproved his theory. 

Jack waved for Carter and Teal'c to follow them, and took up his synonym listing for stubborn again.

~*~

Daniel hurried toward the wall; certain he had the missing piece now. The language itself appeared to be a derivative of Portuguese. It had also seemed to cut off mid-sentence. The answer had come to him just as he had awoken.

Busque entre as ruínas de velho, e cruz...   
Seek amongst the ruins of old, and cross...

The cut off hadn't sounded right and had frustrated him to no end. There had to be more! Cross what? To where? He couldn't help the feeling that he should have seen it sooner. Perhaps he was overdoing it. But he wanted to be back to work so badly. He needed it. Daniel knew his friends were worried about him, and appreciated it, but the scare was over. He was recovering, albeit slowly, and now wanted his life back.

More importantly, he wanted the new life he had started with Jack. They'd had barely a moment to themselves since they'd entered into their relationship. The little grabs at intimacy they had been able to grasp for those short moments were hardly satisfying to a developing romance. 

Daniel came out of his thoughts as he spotted the wall, and increased his pace. The answer was there! On the other side. He was sure of it!

"Daniel, slow down. You're not going over that thing until I check it out!" Jack called. Daniel slowed, but barely. Quickly, he reread the lines leading up to the break. Four words leapt out at him. Verdade. Correndo. Presente. Coragem. Truth. Past. Present. Courage. And then the riddle. Seek amongst the ruins of old, and cross... Cross what? There had to be more!

He stood by patiently as Jack scaled the wall, and went about prepping his equipment to do the same. He knew Sam and Teal'c were going to wait on this side, just in case things went wrong, and they had to make a dash for the gate, but he could see the worry on their faces, and smiled at them.

"Don't worry. Quick over, read, and back." 

Sam chuckled. "You know you just jinxed us, right?" 

"Relax, Sam. I'll be fine. I'll be-"

Sam held up her hand, sharply cutting him off. "Don't you dare say 'be right back'. " 

"You're starting to sound superstitious, Sam," Daniel growled. Teal'c raised his eyebrow.

"A wise precaution where you are concerned, DanielJackson."

Daniel stared at his friend, but offered no response. How could he? For the most part, it was true. He heard Jack's okay yell and started up the wall. Once at the top, for principle, he turned to his friends standing at the base, and smirked.

"I'll be right back!" he called down then dropped out of sight. Sam shook her head, unable to hide her grin. It was good to see Daniel passionate again, playful and free. In her mind, she often compared her friend to a bird in a cage. True, the cage was gilded, but her friend was still locked in nonetheless. Taunted with the wonders of the universe, and then having them snatched away with a flick of the wrist. Daniel accepted it, true, but she could see how deeply it tore into his soul. Any small happiness her little brother could grab, she was glad to give.

"Good luck, guys."

~*~

"Well, it took you long enough," Jack grumbled as Daniel touched down on the narrow ledge between the wall and the river bank. His lover grinned at him.

"Sorry. I was lecturing Sam on superstitions." Jack only grunted at him in response. He could see Daniel was already lost, as he'd spotted the writing on the wall with his last word. He decided it might take a while, and radioed Carter and Teal'c to head back to camp, with check ins every two hours. 

That done, he turned back his friend, and sighed. It was going to be a long day. There was nothing for him to do. They were standing on a narrow bank with a fast paced river behind them, and a wall in front of them. Wow. Perimeter checked. 

"Jack, I feel you thinking sarcastically to yourself. Why don't you head back to camp?" Daniel asked absently. 

"Not a chance, Danny." Though he could see the progress Daniel was making as he walked along the wall, reading to himself. At least they wouldn't be here all night.

An hour later, he was beginning to re-evaluate that assessment. Daniel would read up, then turn around and come back, and start reading again, muttering to himself. Every now and again he would rub at his temples, a clear sign the headache hadn't gone, and had, in fact, worsened, but Jack knew better than to try and get him back to camp so early.

Instead, he leaned against the wall, and involved himself in his favorite sport, Daniel Watching. The linguist was brilliant, the archaeologist intricate, the anthropologist passionate, and his lover was simply beautiful. A very exquisite package, all in all. A whole set of different parts to make up the love of his life. Jack loved watching Daniel in all his aspects.

And then there were the others. The warrior, the soldier, and the fighter. One fought for honor, one for survival, and one for everything that didn't fall into the first two. Jack admitted he didn't like these as much, especially the soldier. It went against everything in his lover's nature, and it cut Jack to the core every time Daniel had to reach for a gun instead of his notebook. So rare missions like this one were appreciated. The fire that had been missing from Daniel's eyes for so long had been rekindled, and it made his heart sing out with joy.

Jack sighed. Daniel had become so much more than he had been when he first joined the Stargate Program, and yet, hadn't really changed at all. The honor and survival had always been there. In his own way, Daniel had been fighting for them even then. Perhaps it had never really been Daniel who had changed, but instead everyone else who came under the guidance of the young man's morals and strength of spirit.

~*~

Daniel frowned as he read the wall. The sentence was never finished. It took him a half hour on each side of where Jack had stationed himself in the middle to reach each of the ends of the wall. He'd been over it meticulously a few times. The sentence from the other side never picked up again. Instead, this side spoke of trials, and a dangerous land holding the ultimate treasure.

He was frustrated. And his headache was coming back with a vengeance. He could see Jack shifting in his peripheral vision. He knew the man had to be bored out of his skull. In order to give Daniel the room he needed to read, translate and explore, Jack was pretty much bound in one spot. Perhaps he should think of turning in for the night. He knew this side of the text by heart, and had taken copious notes. He could mull over the riddles that were presented, and at least Jack could be sitting next to a warm fire.

He turned toward his lover, barely out of arm reach, about ready to admit defeat for the night, when he saw Jack peering intensely at the wall, and reaching for something. Dread thundered through him, and he reached out, just managing to grab Jack's sleeve as he shouted "NO!". 

It was then everything went black.

~*~

Jack groaned. His head felt like concrete, and he promised death to the jackhammer working on his skull. Slowly, his other senses moved beyond that pain. Could smell a sweet grass under his nose, and realized he was lying face down on the ground. Damp ground. Birds chirped in the distance, and squawked. Each sound and smell only worked to increase the thunder in his mind, pulsing behind his eyes.

Wait. Birds?

But the planet they had been on had been lifeless. They. He wasn't alone. Daniel!

Jack forced his heavy eyes open, and seemed to be staring at the base of a tree. He allowed his senses to travel up and down his limbs, and, finding no pain shouting at him, moved them slowly, pushing himself up. A full forest stared back at him, the sunlight filtering through the trees in spaced beams. The river that had been behind them was gone.

"Daniel!" Jack called out, still not quite able to move his head enough to look around. No answer. It was possible his friend had been knocked out, as he had. "Daniel!" Dizziness washed over him, forcing him to close his eyes as he brought himself to a seated position. So far, no real big complaints. Minor aches and bruises. Mostly, his head. He sat quietly for a few minutes, willing the wave to pass, listening intently for any signs of his lover.

Soon, he felt it safe to open his eyes again as the pain faded. He carefully turned his head, looking at his surroundings. Immediately, he saw Daniel lying on his back a few feet away, still unconscious. Grunting, Jack got to his feet, and braced himself, but the worst of the effects seemed to have worn off. Feeling better, he moved swiftly to his friends side.

"Daniel!" Concerned, Jack knelt down, and gave the broad shoulders a shake. There. A small stir and a moan. Sitting back, Jack nodded, though mostly to himself. "Just take it easy. It'll pass in a few minutes."

"J'ck."

"Yeah, right here. Like I said, just give yourself some time." Even as he spoke, Jack was doing an assessment of himself, and their supplies. Their guns were gone, but they still had their knives belted at their waists. He moved his ankle a little, confirming that the non regulation knife he had sheathed in his boot was still there. If he still had his, odds were good, so did Daniel. Okay. Not too bad. Jack still had the two canteens tied to his belt, too. But no radios. Crap. 

"What happened?" Daniel asked, still not having moved. The arm draped across his eyes let Jack know that Daniel was having a harder time brushing off the after effects than he had, probably because it had added to an already established headache.

Jack frowned, thinking. He remembered seeing something glint in the sunlight, and had reached out to brush dirt from the object. He remembered Daniel's shout, then nothing, until waking up here. Sheepishly, Jack cleared his throat.

"I think I, um, maybe, might have touched something." A snort from Daniel. Okay, so obviously the archaeologist had already figured that out. What else was he looking for? "Um, it looked like a jewel, or something." A sigh. "I was only trying to brush it off. You should have told me it was there."

"I didn't know it was there!" Daniel retorted, a little angry at the accusation.

"You read that wall like four times. There was no mention of it?" Daniel growled, whipped his arm away from his eyes, and was standing before Jack could even reach out to him. Obviously, Daniel was regretting it as he swayed. "You okay?"

Daniel shrugged off Jack's steadying hand, and closed his eyes to deal with the nausea washing over him. 

"I'm fine," he ground out, still angry. How dare Jack make this to be his fault? As a matter of fact, the wall hadn't mentioned anything about a jewel that could transport them to another place! And it had been Jack who had touched something this time, not him! 

The pressure behind his eyes wasn't alleviating, either, making him feel worse. Daniel braced his hands on his knees, and leaned over them, trying to take deep breaths to calm his rolling stomach. He felt Jack's hand on his arm, and once again, angrily shrugged it off. This proved to be a mistake as his delicate control evaporated, and he fell to his knees, heaving.

Daniel felt the comforting hand rubbing circles on his back. Angry or not, that comfort was welcomed. Jack was always a steady presence for him, even before their relationship. It seemed that no matter where he was, what he was doing, or what he was feeling, Jack was a constant for him. When he had been reduced to the odd gag, Daniel remained kneeling, his eyes closed, trying to breathe through it. He could hear Jack murmuring reassurances, nonsense, really, but comforting nonetheless.

"Easy, Danny. Take some deep breaths." Jack kept up the platitudes. There was nothing he could do to actually help, other than just be there. So he tried to give Daniel something to anchor himself to. He was a little worried about the palor of his lover's skin, and the way his fists were clenching periodically, as if in tandem with cramping stomach muscles. Jack wished he could offer something, but they didn't even have their packs, and as such, no first aid kits.

They waited while Daniel's breaths evened out, and the younger man felt well enough to open his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was blaming you. I screwed up. Big time." Jack waited, almost holding his breath, waiting for Daniel to accept his apology. He had been a jerk about it, and had handled it wrong. It was ironic that it had been Jack who touched something and gotten them here, not Daniel.

"Yeah, you did." Jack started at Daniel's soft reply. There was no jest behind it, no accompanying smirk. Daniel's face was dead serious, and a little pinched. "But it's done. We have more to think about now than whom to blame. The writing never mentioned the actual transportation device, but it did mention a 'dangerous land holding the ultimate treasure'. I think it's safe to assume that this is it, and it might be wise to check out our surroundings a little more, especially since we appear to have only basic weapons."

Jack nodded, a little stunned Daniel hadn't really accepted his apology. He helped Daniel stand on shaky legs. Their little trip seemed to have taken its toll on the weakened man. Jack thought it would be a good idea to find somewhere they could rest. 

"Are you all right?" he asked his lover, still concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Come on, we should go."

~*~

Three hours later, Daniel found his reserves running out. The nausea had slackened, but that pressure just kept building. He tried to keep an eye on their surroundings, instead of focusing on his discomfort. Trees. And over there. Oh, look, more trees! 

He smiled. He had definitely been hanging around Jack too long if he was starting to sound like him in his head! One thing to channel the older man's sarcasm vocally, another to channel him where only he could hear! Looking at the tense back in front of him, Daniel realized he might have been a bit harsh on his lover. None of this had been done on purpose. It really was no one's specific fault. But his illness, mixed with the horrible feeling of dread that had been building in his gut since he'd seen Jack reaching for the wall, had made him pissy.

The hike so far had been very quiet, with little to no conversation between them. Obviously, Jack was still smarting from Daniel's less than diplomatic reproach. Sighing, Daniel wondered what he could say to make things better. They had lots they needed to talk about, like how they got here, and what exactly the wall had said. For the moment, he knew Jack was simply seeking an appropriate shelter to get through the quickly setting night, but Daniel knew they had a more important goal.

Words left him. Jack was stung, and upset. He took things like this very hard, and tended to see these kinds of events like failures in his ability to be a good CO. So. Daniel figured he could add guilt in there too. He tried to sigh again, and realized his breathing was becoming very harsh. The air seemed thicker to him. Or perhaps he was just a little out of shape. Either way, he needed a break, and he needed to find a way to make up his harsh attitude earlier to Jack.

Inspiration dawned, and Daniel walked forward with certainty, trying to shove his fear to the back of his mind. 

"Jack," Daniel called. Jack halted, and turned around, a little concerned that Daniel might be ill again, only to receive an arm full of archaeologist. Startled, Jack returned the embrace.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked gently. Daniel had never, ever, initiated any kind of physical contact like this before. Jack moved his arms up and down his friends back, a little worried now. He felt Daniel move his face into the hollow of his neck and shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to be so harsh earlier. It's not your fault. It's not mine. It just happened." Jack shivered as Daniel's breath puffed against his chilled flesh. He tightened his hold, nodding.

"Okay. So, we forgive each other. Is that what this was all about?" he asked, still uneasy about Daniel's health. He could feel the slight tremors, the heavy breathing, and the chill of the evening in his lover. 

Daniel nodded, though he was only now admitting that maybe he had needed a little reassurance too. His logical mind reasoned that while this might have initially started out as a way to really apologize to Jack, he suddenly found himself not willing to let go. To draw from the strength and safety that could always be found in Jack's arms. 

"Well, as much as I could spend all night like this, Danny, we have to find shelter for the night, or we could be in serious trouble. We don't know what the weather is like here. And we need to debrief. I get the feeling you have a better idea of what's going on than I do." 

Sighing, Daniel withdrew, but not before Jack gave an extra tight squeeze. Trying to gather his thoughts, Daniel bit his lip. He was so tired, and it was hard to think.

"Okay, well, I think we should avoid caves, for the moment. So, I guess we're looking for a protected spot under some trees, or... or maybe a hut or house of some sort," Daniel hesitated on the last, barely daring to look up into Jack's disbelieving eyes. Then the disbelief changed, replaced by curiosity as Jack nodded.

"All right. Well, which way do you think either of those is likely to be?" Jack noticed the surprise in his lover's eyes. It hit a sore spot. Okay, yeah, Daniel's theories could be a little flaky and off the wall. Unfortunately, they also had a nasty habit of being right. Jack understood they didn't have time to get into what was happening, and didn't require an explanation. Besides, his lover was barely hanging on, and desperately needed to rest. 

Jack found his own body objecting to the amount of exercise he had pulled off today, and the aches of the 'transport' weren't going away either. And he knew neither of them had let themselves think about their two other team members, who would probably be looking for them by now. They were both heading for a crash. Jack would prefer if it happened somewhere safe.

"I would hazard a guess that we just keep walking until right before nightfall, in any direction," Daniel replied. 

~*~ 

Jack stood staring, stunned at the sight of a small log cabin like structure. He couldn't believe it. There it was. Just sitting in the middle of the woods. It looked old, but never used. Moss hung from the corners, and tree branches littered the roof, but it was still almost... pristine. Everything seemed to fit into place. Even the tid bits of the forest seemed to fit into the picture.

He turned to his lover, and found Daniel looking down, biting his lip, his arms wrapped around himself. Tension was radiating off him in waves. Concerned, Jack took a step toward his friend.

"Daniel?" Daniel looked up and offered Jack a small smile. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the discovery. Yes, they had shelter for the night, but it confirmed at least one theory, and he wasn't so sure that was a good thing. It meant the others were probably right too. 

He waved a hand toward the cabin. "We should go in." 

Jack nodded slowly, not liking the expression on Daniel's face, but as the sun was setting, he didn't think they had much choice but to accept what had been offered. 

Once inside, they found a woodstove, a table and chair, and a large bed. It wasn't overly spacious. There was a door leading out the back to a latrine pit. Jack quickly went about getting the stove started, using the wood that was neatly piled to the side of it. Daniel had sat in the chair at the table, and not moved, merely staring at the tabletop. 

Jack was worried. His lover had been quiet since he'd voiced his theory on the location of the shelter. He had no idea what was happening here, but Daniel obviously did, and was not especially happy with that knowledge. Wishing he had some food to offer, Jack carefully released a canteen from his belt. He knelt in front of his friend, having to touch his knee to get his attention.

"Danny? You want something to drink?" he offered. Daniel mutely shook his head, not tearing his eyes from the tabletop. Jack shuffled a little closer, so that he was leaning one arm on Daniel's thigh. "Please? It's been a while, and it might make you feel better."

Still no response. Not even a blink of an eye. 

Jack gnawed at his bottom lip, wondering what had happened to put his lover in this state. Had Daniel finally crashed? Or was he sorting through the knowledge he had swimming around his head? Either way, Daniel needed to drink. They'd been taking small sips during their hike, but Jack had known immediately that Daniel hadn't been taking much. Jack had let it go, thinking the water was upsetting Daniel's still delicate stomach. But now there were stopped, and it was time to rest. Tight lines around his friend's eyes showed the headache was still there, and despite the warm fire now blazing in the stove, Daniel's skin was still cold. 

"Daniel!" he said sharply. Slowly, blue eyes focused on him, then blinked. "Have a drink, then we can get some rest. You can explain all this to me tomorrow." Another blink. Then Daniel drew in a shuddering breath.

"Sorry, Jack, I must have zoned."

"Are you feeling all right?" Daniel smiled a little at Jack's mother hen mode. It made him feel a little better, but he was wiped, completely, and the thoughts running circles in his mind weren't welcome companions, nor conducive to a good night's sleep.

"Yeah. Just tired. Thanks for the water."

Jack watched his lover carefully. There was something else going on. His mind battled between finding out right this second, and waiting until morning. Unfortunately, right this second was winning. Daniel had figured it out. And probably wouldn't sleep anyway. Rubbing tired eyes, Jack rose and sat on the edge of the bed, getting comfortable. 

"All right. Why don't you tell me what you've got?" Jack offered. 

"Well, I told you the wall wasn't directions for a weapon per se, more of a bridge? One of the riddles on the first half of it said 'seek amongst the ruins of old, and cross.' But then it just cut off. I thought the riddle would continue on the other side."

"Let me guess, it didn't?" Daniel grabbed his notebook from his pocket, laying it on the table in front of him, and bouncing his pen off of it.

"Right. It just offered up another riddle. 'The Trials will see through the unbeliever. To cross the sands of time, to test the purest heart, and only then deliver. Dangers lay untold, for those merely bold. A sparkle in the distance cannot be reached without assistance.' It doesn't make any sense!"

Jack frowned, sensing he was missing a large part. The riddle itself seemed to make perfect sense to him. At least, as far as riddles went, this one seemed a little simple. Okay, so they had some traveling to do, probably across a desert. Didn't seem so bad. He glanced up at Daniel, who, as though reading his mind, shook his head.

"I don't think it's as clear cut as it sounds. And then there are other clues. Like the riddle itself. It rhymed, Jack. More importantly, the translation rhymed."

"It's a riddle. It's supposed to."

Daniel sighed, and rubbed his forehead, hoping that sooner rather than later, Jack would drop the dumb act.

"The language was Portuguese. Then, translated into English, a rather modern language, the riddle still rhymed. Maybe the Tau'ri were meant to find it, to go on this journey. I don't know. The riddle speaks of needing assistance, and yet the cabin is furnished for only one. How many were supposed to come? Who are the Trials set for? Sands of time? It could mean literally a desert, or it could mean the metaphorical aspect of it. And what's the sparkle in the distance? What's the ultimate treasure? It's frustrating. For every clue we're given, there are five more questions to go with it!" Daniel growled.

Jack watched his lover battle with the hints, trying to cover every angle that agile mind was capable of coming up with. He wished he could help, but now that Daniel pointed out what he had, suddenly, the riddle didn't seem so clear anymore. And a nagging thought in the back of his head was wondering exactly what 'dangers lay untold'. The rest was up to Daniel to figure out, but it was up to Jack to protect him while he did it. 

"How did you know there would be shelter?" Jack asked, trying to bring Daniel back to the basics.

"In most myths, whenever someone sets out on a quest, or journey of some sort, there are usually little helping hands along the way. Nothing big- nothing that can interfere. But whoever traveled here would need a place to sleep, build up a food supply, and prepare themselves for the 'trials' ahead, physically, and mentally. Any race capable of setting something like this up would be able to easily calculate the most likely two directions the participant would head in. North, or South. We went South, looking for shelter, and signs of population. We were instinctively looking for a Stargate, or an indication that there could be one. Again, something easily foreseeable by an advanced race. The cabin is a reward for passing a test."

"Reward? How were we tested?"

"Any race advanced enough to set this up, would have to be familiar with the Stargate. We've already started on this quest, Jack, by making a simple, practically unconscious decision. People usually mean Stargate. People are usually South. For anyone merely stumbling onto the jewel, and being transported here, the decision to go North, toward higher climate and cleaner water would be instinctive. Also, following the stars is easier to do going North. Survival dictates North. Stargate, South. They wanted to know we were actively seeking something. It was the first test of what I fear will be many. "

Jack sat back, awed. Daniel made all those little calculations sound so simple, so white bread. Would he have considered all those factors? Probably not. It had been a simple decision. Stargate South. Go home. It was slightly unsettling to have his every move calculated, and preordained. 

Daniel looked completely drained, and miserable. Jack would have thought Daniel would be excited about all this, then realized that they were far from home, from their team, no one knew where they were, and in quite possibly very hostile conditions. Jack also knew that a small part of Daniel was very afraid one of their team would find the jewel, and be transported here. 

"Well, we're okay for tonight. We're going to need food, though. I would guess, from your explanation, that odds are good most of the stuff around here is edible?"

"Everything is a test, Jack."

"Daniel, even if that is the case, then we can't think about it. Over thinking can be as dangerous as not thinking at all. I say we go with our gut on this one. At least until that method proves unreliable. Doing anything else would only drive us insane. Literally. I've seen good officers go down that way, by second guessing every move they make."

"But Jack-" Jack stood and moved over to his partner, the sudden move startling Daniel into silence. Jack pulled Daniel into a firm embrace, realizing already one major danger. Daniel was very capable of thinking everything to death... including himself.

"Don't do it, Danny. I'm not kidding, you'll drive yourself insane, and take me for the ride. I need you. I can't put everything together like you can. And I can't protect you from your own mind. So, how about we make a deal? How about we treat this like any other mission?" He could feel how tense Daniel was, and gripped tighter, suddenly afraid for the brilliant young man.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I look after our survival, and you gather up the clues, then put them together? One of the reasons we make such a good team is because we each have our own talents to contribute. Sum of our parts and all that." Jack smiled when he felt a soft chuckle from the man in his arms, and a relaxing of tight muscles. "Okay. We start tomorrow. For tonight, we have some water, warmth and a bed. We're sheltered. My gut says we'll be safe for tonight at least, so why don't we get some sleep? Come on."

Jack led his lover to the bed, and got them settled, hoping his instinct was correct. They were both exhausted from the long day, and both needed time to sort out their next step. It was a tight fit, but since Jack wouldn't release his hold, and Daniel didn't seem to mind, the bed could be called comfortable. Jack waited until he felt Daniel's muscles relax, and his breathing even out into sleep. Confident that his lover was safe and asleep, Jack finally closed his own eyes and let himself drift.

~*~

Daniel shivered as he felt the warmth that had been at his back all night move away. He moaned, and felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, silently urging him to go back to sleep. It was then that the previous days memories came crashing back to him, along with the headache. Groaning, he rolled over. He knew he should get up, despite Jack wanting him to rest, but his muscles ached, and he wanted to give the pressure behind his eyes time to ease. 

He tried to put all the clues together. But none of it made a lot of sense. Riddles, words. He'd accepted that everything they did from here on out would be a test of some sort. Jack may have been able to leave it so easily, but he couldn't. Every little decision counted, every connection made had to be the right one.

His thoughts left him dizzy as he turned everything around in circles. It just wouldn't come together. Needing a break, Daniel instead thought of Jack. It had been nice to fall asleep with Jack's arms around him. He hadn't realized how much he missed having a warm body next to him. 

Their relationship was so far off to a very rocky start. If Daniel had been one to believe in omens, he would be a little worried. As it was, he had deeply seeded doubts. Sooner or later, Jack was going to want something in return for all the love and care he had shown Daniel. And to be honest, as much as he loved his partner, Daniel wasn't sure he could deliver. 

It wasn't just the sex. Daniel had rode out more than a few of Jack's nightmares over the years of sharing close quarters. Although he never mentioned it to Jack, he knew a lot of what had happened in Iraq. The man had fought his own daemons, and that in itself gave Daniel the courage to think he could overcome his own. 

No, sex wasn't a part of the doubt. It was the thousand other little things that Jack did that Daniel couldn't relate to, couldn't reciprocate. Daniel had never had to hold his own in a relationship before. Sarah had been with him simply because he was the up and coming genius. Sha're had been given to him as a gift. There was nothing to do, nowhere to go. 

Jack hadn't asked, didn't seem to expect Daniel to do anything other than accept. Somehow, it didn't seem fair. All the thousand intimacies that Jack appeared to give so naturally, Daniel had to work at just to not cringe away from in guilt. 

Deciding that this line of thinking was no more productive than the first, Daniel gave in to sleep.

~*~

"Fish? Where did you find that?" Daniel asked as he returned from attending to nature's demands. Jack was setting two leaves with fish fillets cooked on the wood stove on the table, looking incredibly smug.

"Amazingly enough, Daniel, in the water. Never seen anything like it before." 

Daniel grunted, his only admission to the stupidity of his question. He took the canteen lid that was being used as a cup and filled it, wishing he had coffee. Somehow, he had the feeling it might be a while before he got any again.

The thought added to the depression that seemed to linger on the outskirts of his psyche, and his headache. Rubbing his temples, Daniel sighed and wished it would go away. Both the headache, and the depression. With a glance at the cooked fish, Daniel decided he wasn't really hungry, and pushed it away from him.

"So, what are we going to do today?" he asked, ignoring Jack's scowl.

"I found a small creek running around the back. It seems to be a pretty well used watering hole. I found some tracks I recognize. And a few I didn't. So, we have meat for now. All we have to do is catch it. Since we don't have any guns, we'll just have to trap it. Unfortunately, even cooked, that will only do us a few days. We also need some kind of rope. I've looked, but haven't found any around this cabin." 

Daniel snorted, feeling a little anger build up in him. How easily Jack dismissed what all his titles entailed. Normally, he would let a comment like that pass, but he was tired of being dismissed. Tired of being treated as though he couldn't take care of himself. 

"Believe it or not, Jack, human beings were around long before there were guns. We'll stake out the creek. Spend today watching carefully, see what's out there, and who stays away from who. You can fish for supper later this evening. In the meantime, the animals will let us know what's safe to eat, and what's not. Better yet, you do that. I'll go see what I can do to get some rope for snares. We're also going to need drying racks. I'll look after that too. Jerky will last, and after we figure a few things out, we can make some pemmican for nutrition. Meat will keep us alive, not healthy. It also might not hurt to see if we can't get something big enough to provide us with bed rolls."

Jack sat back, stunned. It suddenly occurred to him that researching every type of ancient culture just might have given Daniel an edge in wilderness survival. Why had he never seen that before? And why had he allowed himself to think that the anthropologist wouldn't be very helpful with their survival? He had let himself become comfortable with Daniel, forgetting the man had a million hidden talents. After all, he'd delivered babies, for cryin' out loud! 

"Daniel, I'm sorry. I guess I was being pretty arrogant. I keep underestimating you, and I should know better," Jack said sincerely. He watched his lover relax a fraction. Vaguely, he wondered why Daniel was so pissy this morning, then chalked it up to the obvious headache the young man still had. He watched as Daniel offered him an apologetic smile.

"It's okay. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to jump down your throat like that, especially for something I would normally have let be. It's better if we spend the day apart. I'm going to be lousy company today, if breakfast was any hint. By the way, good work catching the fish. I'm not going to ask how you did it without a fishing line of any kind, because, frankly, I don't want to know. Some things are too weird, even for me!"

Jack laughed, and felt the tension ease out of the room. He was worried about his lover, but perhaps Daniel was just having a bad day. Jack figured he just didn't have time to be pissy. His own headache and bruised muscles had eased during the night. There was no point dwelling on the situation. They were here. They needed to get home. He had every confidence that Daniel would figure it out and get them home. 

Jack watched as Daniel left, his fish remaining untouched. He was a little worried, but as with everything else, there was nothing to be done about it. He had given Daniel the last packet of aspirin he had earlier the previous day, before Daniel had passed out.

Picking up the fish, Jack decided there was no point in wasting it, and quickly ate it. Breakfast was done, and they had a plan lined out for the day. Time to get to it. 

~*~

Four days later, Jack woke to find himself alone in the cabin. Stretching, he wondered how much longer it would be before they could get moving. Both his and Daniel's instincts told them to be as prepared as they could before they left the secure shelter. 

Daniel had managed to awe him time and again over the past days. They now had a good supply of a kind of rope, which Jack had secretly tested, and had been amazed to find it strong enough to hold his weight. The snares had worked out well, and they had several rabbit like creatures cut into thin strips and drying on the racks that Daniel had built, using the rope that Daniel had spent many hours making from some kind of long grass and bark.

The biggest surprise Jack had, had been when Daniel collected the rabbit creatures and butchered them, swiftly, and efficiently. He had watched as Daniel laid the bladders and intestines to the side, set the fat in the rock-bowl he had found while looking for other materials, left the brains in the small skull, then piled the rest to the other side of him while quartering the meat. Then Daniel had cleaned the pelt, and stretched it on another set of racks that Jack hadn't, until that moment, understood the purpose for. 

Daniel had been meticulous in scrapping away the lingering membranes with a flat stone, being careful not to score the soft underside. That done, he had followed Daniel to the creek and watched as he thoroughly washed out the small bladder and intestines, turning them inside out. Hipbones were carefully washed and scoured with sand and stones. Shoulder blades were washed, and then filed down on a larger rock sitting next to the creek, and turned out to be effective scrappers, and small knives, so they wouldn't waste their own. Femurs were treated the same way, and turned out to be 'pokers' they could use as eating utensils.

Returning to camp, Daniel, who still hadn't said a word about Jack following him around, had sat down in front of the pelt, and began working the brains into the underside, making sure to work it in thoroughly, then scraping off the excess. 

Now, three days later, Jack rose and dressed. They had decided to wear as little of their clothing as they could get away with until they had to travel. There was no one else around, so running around in their boxers didn't phase either one, though both tended to prefer at least wearing their pants. It appeared that mosquitoes were universal.

He knew he'd find Daniel sitting outside, making breakfast. Jack was worried about him. Daniel's headache only seemed to be getting worse as he wasn't sleeping very well, and ate very little. Especially considering it was Daniel who did most of the work during the day. Everyday since that first one had been the same. Something was obviously on Daniel's mind, and Jack was convinced he was going to get it out of him, today!

Stepping outside, he could see Daniel sitting beside the fire as usual, but today there was a little bladder sitting next to the fire, and whatever was in it, smelled delicious. Jack advanced, leaned over to kiss the top of Daniel's hair, and sat next to him.

"That smells great! What is it?" Daniel blushed, reached beside him and picked up what appeared to be a cup made out of hollowed out bone. Jack didn't want to think about which part had been used to make it. Daniel seemed to have a use for every part. Pouring something dark red from the bladder into the cup, Daniel offered it silently to Jack.

Jack took it, sniffed it, and took a careful sip. Flavors never experienced before exploded on his tongue, and he almost moaned in the pleasure of having something other than water. 

"Oh god, that's good! Wow." He thought he should come up with something better than that, but seeing Daniel's pleased blush, just shrugged his shoulders and took another drink. The temperature was perfect. It warmed his insides from the crisp chill of the morning, but was cool enough to drink without burning his tongue. He gave another sigh of pleasure as he finished it, eagerly holding out his cup for more. 

"Glad you like it."

"What's in it?" Jack asked, slowly working the tea around his tongue, desperately trying to place the assortment of flavors. The only one he recognized instantly was mint.

"Mint, rosehips, chamomile and some sugar leaf to sweeten it. Or, at least, they're related to those. Don't worry, I've spent the last few days testing them. They all seem to be only slightly different, though with the same qualities. For breakfast, it's a nice tea to warm up with. If we let it cool for later in the day, it's very refreshing, sort of a boost. It's packed full of vitamins. Breakfast will be ready in about ten minutes." 

Jack sat still, again surprised by the wealth of knowledge in front of him. In three days he hadn't asked a single question, fearing Daniel would get upset by any surprise at his knowledge. But today, Jack couldn't hold back anymore. The tea was too much.

"I have to know, Daniel, where you learned all this stuff? I've been watching you for days. This isn't book learned suddenly turned practical. You know exactly what you're doing, and how. I mean, this cup is ingenious! I hadn't thought of it! I really expected to be the one looking after our survival. I've taken more courses than you can shake a stick at, including from the school of hard knocks, and there are still some things that amaze me. Like this tea. I know about survival, not necessarily comfort." 

Daniel looked down into his own cup, and sighed. "Some of it, I learned on Abydos. Some I learned from my parents, some from Teal'c. I spent a year living on a Navajo reservation. A lot during my studies on ancient cultures."

Jack sat up, interested in hearing the story he was sure went with the Navajo, but unsure whether or not he could ask. Daniel's past wasn't exactly sunny. Daniel saw his interest, and smiled.

"It's okay. It was actually the best year of my life, after my parents died. I won't tell you how I ended up there except to say that the Shaman took me in. He was a wise man, and so full of knowledge. About everything. I especially loved it because before I went to sleep every night, he would tell me stories from the 'old days', as well as their myths and legends. He taught me about herbs, for cooking and healing. He even taught me how to test plants to make sure they weren't poisonous. He taught me how to make use of everything offered up by the spirits. I was always fascinated by the Navajo religion-" Daniel cut himself off, realizing he was about to yammer on about something Jack didn't care to hear about. 

Jack shook his head. "Go on, please." But years of damage had been done, and Daniel simply shrugged.

"Not much else to tell. The Shaman always insisted on using the old ways. He used to say he couldn't represent his ancestors to his people, if he had forgotten the ancestor's ways. So, that's how I lived too. Even went on a dream quest of my own after my first traditional hunt. After my parents died, it was the closest thing to a home I ever had. It almost killed me when he died."

Jack leaned over and embraced his lover, seeing the pain in that memory. "I'm sorry, Danny. But I'm sure because of you, he died a very happy man. He was a teacher by nature, and that year was probably the happiest of his life, too. Having someone who could soak up information as fast as he could give, and who was interested in all of it, must have been a great gift to him."

Daniel hugged him back tightly, before withdrawing and rubbing away a small tear, not only at the memory, but at his lovers words. It was the nicest thing he had ever had said to him. Clearing his throat of the lump that had taken up residence, he nodded. 

"Thank you, Jack. Oh! Breakfast!" Daniel rose quickly and moved off to the left, where Jack could see fresh dug dirt. Curious, he watched as Daniel uncovered the shallow pit, which appeared to be lined with rocks, and took out two small birds resting on platters. Jack quickly went to gather their plates, pokers, and a sharp wedge. Returning, he sat eagerly next to the fire. They had taken to eating outside, since one of them had to be watching the drying meat at all times, except at night, when they took it inside.

While Jack could do anything with a fish, Daniel had proven to be a most creative outdoor cook. He had gathered roots, greens and herbs to help fill out and flavor their meals. Silently, Jack sent up a prayer of thanks to the Shaman. He had little doubt that their forced camping trip wouldn't be near as comfortable without the shaman's teachings.

Daniel checked the birds, to make sure they were done, though he knew they were. He had put them into the pit hours before, when he couldn't sleep and decided to make the pit. Handing one to Jack, who held out his cup for more tea with a pout, Daniel got them settled into breakfast, proud of what he had produced. For the first time in days, he was actually a little hungry. Perhaps it was the prospect of the eggs he had stuffed the birds with. The Ptarmigan bird looked identical to Earths, and had a slightly sweeter meat than it's Earth twin. Stuffing it with a dressing made of greens and herbs, and then the hard boiled eggs made for a delectable platter. It had been years since he'd had it!

Watching Jack enjoy the meal made his day. The man was generous with his compliments, usually through a stuffed mouth. Daniel was glad he'd put one of the bladders of tea away, out of Jack's reach. The bladders were only small, and didn't hold near as much as their canteens. He was sure the additional vitamins throughout the day would improve their chances of staying healthy. He had a smaller rack drying herbs toward the other side of the shelter, not wanting to mix them with the meat. They were well set up for now, but there were still a few things Daniel wanted before they set off. 

He was sure this way station had been provided for exactly this reason, and that there wouldn't be much more ahead. They had plenty of meat drying, plenty of herbs. As long as the weather stayed, Daniel knew he could find greens in any climate. Though the small creatures didn't provide much fat, Daniel had made makeshift lamps from what there was. And a few pemmican sausages. The fat, berry and herb links would go a long way to preserving their overall health.

They had about ten pelts, and Daniel had been tanning them to make carrying bags. Jack was doing well in bringing in the meat. Sadly, the small creatures took a great amount of time to snare. His lover was gone for most of the day. It was one of the reasons Daniel had taken on the, traditionally, more female assigned jobs around the camp. Not that he would ever tell that to Jack. He'd never live it down. Best to let Jack be impressed. But they were going to need bedrolls. Something to protect them from the ground, as well as blankets. Unfortunately, tents were out of the question, so they would have to make their shelters in caves, if they could. Daniel was wary of them simply because most myths found the more difficult tests in caves, and though he was willing to admit that it might not be the case here, it didn't make him any less suspicious of them. Still, they would have to take the chance if it meant survival.

"I can hear you thinking, Danny. Care to share?" Jack asked his silent partner, wondering if this would be the right time to bring up whatever was bothering the other man. 

"I was just wondering what the chances are of going after something bigger than rabbits. The pelts we can use to make carrying bags, and other smaller things, but they won't do for keeping us warm once we set out."

Jack burped, grinned, and made a motion of tipping his hat to the chef. "Okay. I can understand that. Trouble is, I haven't seen anything bigger than a pig. And I've followed every set of tracks that might look like a larger animal. I assume we're looking for a deer?" 

Daniel grinned back, accepting the gesture for what it was. "Yeah, about that size. Preferably something with short fur. Anything too long will be too heavy to carry. It won't keep us as warm, but we'll be thankful for the lighter stuff if this takes any amount of time at all. And you're right. There's nothing that size around here." Daniel bit his lip anxious about what he needed to suggest. He didn't like it, but there was little choice. "We need to split up."

Jack smiled grimly. "Yeah. I've been thinking about that too. You need to stay here with the jerky, and I need to go hunting. If we leave the meat before it dries up right, we'll ruin it. So we can't both go, and I have to say that you're much better at this small stuff than I am. If it were up to me, we'd have meat and pelts for warmth. Anything else, we find along the way. Gotta admit, you're a pretty handy guy to have around."

Jack was satisfied to watch Daniel choke a little on some of the breakfast he'd been picking at. He knew he didn't give his friend enough vocal credit. Jack respected the hell out of Daniel, always had. Especially when his lover managed to surprise him so often. 

His smile died when he watched Daniel sway a little when he stood. Jumping up, Jack put his arm around his lover's waist to steady him.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Daniel sighed and leaned into his partner, happy that Jack took most of his weight. "Dizzy. This headache won't go away."

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Jack asked in concern, leading his partner into the cabin so he could put him to bed. When Daniel saw their trajectory, he resisted. 

"No, I have to stay out and watch the racks."

"I can do that. One more day won't matter in the grand scheme of things. You need to rest."

"Jack-"

"Acht! We can't afford to get sick out here. Better to nip something in the butt before it has a chance to get worse. Go to bed and get some sleep. You're useless to both of us sick." Daniel turned on him, his face furious. 

"Is that my lover talking, or my CO?" As soon as the words were hissed, Daniel blanched white, and fell onto the bed, his hand over his mouth, shaking his head. "I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry."

Jack ran his hand through his hair. Sighing, he sat next to his lover. Daniel tensed, but didn't move away.

"Both. And your friend. Something's been bothering you. Talk to me?" 

Daniel looked away. "It's nothing, and I'm tired." Jack frowned. He didn't like Daniel's sudden attitude anymore than he liked his lack of health. Deciding that it was going to be resolved, now, he pushed forward.

"Tell me anyway."

"Jack, I'm tired. It doesn't matter. Please, just let it drop," Daniel asked. Jack chewed his lip, torn between following the first request Daniel had made, and knowing it was better to get it hashed out. Daniel turned away from him, lying down on the bed, despite Jack sitting on the edge of it. The simple act spurred his decision.

"Danny. Don't shut me out. I know our relationship has gotten off to a rough start, but things will settle down, and get better. When you were in the hospital after Christmas, I thought about retiring. I've thought about it more and more. Settling down to a life with you. Not having to hide. I want all that, Danny. So badly." 

Jack broke off when he heard a sob come from the man lying with his back turned to him. Reaching out, Jack laid a gentle hand on Daniel's shoulder, and continued painting his picture.

"I've got a few ideas about what I'd like to do once I retire. Marrying you being first and foremost. I've got some business ideas. You'll probably stay at the SGC. They need you, desperately. But I would like the idea of coming together for dinner, sitting down, and talking about our day. Then curling up in front of the fire place, and just enjoy being us."

"And then, what?" Daniel whispered. Jack frowned, unsure what Daniel meant. When he didn't get an answer, Daniel rolled over, but still refused to meet Jack's eyes. "What happens after we're done with the fire?"

Jack could see the tears running down his lover's cheeks, and finally understood what Daniel was asking. He smiled gently, reached over and wiped away the tears.

"Then I gather you into my arms, and spend all night telling you how much I love you, until you're sick of hearing it. Then I'm going to tell you some more. And I'll spend every night of the rest of my life saying it to you until you believe me. And when that happens, you'll turn around and tell me."

Daniel sobbed again, burying his face into his arms. He wanted that picture Jack had painted. With every fibre of his being, he wanted it. But there was a part of him that doubted it would ever happen. He loved Jack. And perhaps, because of that love, it was time to let him go before he ended up really hurting the man of his heart. It would kill him, but Daniel suddenly knew it was the right thing to do. Jack deserved so much better than Daniel could ever offer him. Deserved to have the thousand kindnesses that Jack offered out so freely.

Jack felt Daniel's crying start again, felt something move in his soul, an instinct that told him he was in danger of losing everything that was precious to him. He tightened his hold, and without really knowing what he was doing, he pulled Daniel to him, and cupped his cheek.

"Please don't, Danny. I can feel you moving away from me. I don't know what you're thinking. You won't tell me. I have you, Daniel, and I won't survive losing you again. Don't leave me. I need you. I need the light you bring into my life. I need you to accept all I have to offer, because it lets me know I'm still human enough to offer it. I know this isn't easy for you, and I know you're fighting a war within yourself. I love you more because you're willing to fight it, for us, for me. Don't give up on us now. Don't you see, Danny? If I lose you, I lose myself. I was lost once. You found me. Now you're lost. It's my turn to find you. If it takes a lifetime, Love, I will find you. I promise. But you have to let me keep searching."

Daniel let his tears fall freely. He'd never heard such an impassioned speech from his lover before. He searched those shining brown eyes for, and found, the truth of it all. Jack had meant every word. For the second time in their friendship, Jack looked terrified at the prospect of losing him. How had he ever doubted this man's love for him? He knew he wasn't worthy of it. But, just maybe, he could try a little harder, for Jack.

Jack's eloquent plea left him speechless. There was nothing he could say to that. Hesitantly, he leaned in, brushed his lips across Jack's. Then more confidently, he pressed harder, and was thrilled with the avid response. He poured everything he was feeling into that kiss, and yet it remained gentle, tender, and endless. 

Finally pulling back, Daniel offered Jack a small smile. "A breadcrumb."

~*~

General Hammond set down the phone, and sighed. He glanced through his office window, and saw the two remaining members of SG-1 sitting close together. He took the moment to observe the little touches of comfort, understanding, and compassion. The shared expressions of fear, and anger.

He'd never had the privilege of commanding such a remarkable team before, and what he was about to do next weighed heavily on his heart. He stood from his desk, feeling as though the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. He supposed it was. At least, the world of those two people sitting out there.

Major Sam Carter stood as he approached, and saluted, the gesture strange and not necessary in this private meeting, but went far in making sure to show the General she respected him, and that she understood the pressures he was under. Teal'c's nod spoke of the same. The General's heart filled. Who was he kidding? It was his world too.

"I'm sorry, Major, Teal'c. The president has ordered we stop expending the resources to try and find them. It's been a week, and still no signs of them. Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson have officially been declared MIA. Unless you have something new to report?" He couldn't help the hopeful tone in his voice. 

Teal'c's silence was as telling as a full report. Major Carter bit her bottom lip and shook her head.

"No, Sir. Daniel's people can't seem to figure out the Wall. They can translate it, but it's a pile of riddles that don't seem to connect in any way. And they don't understand Daniel's theory that it has something to do with a bridge. They see no connection, although they have admitted that Daniel was right in so far as it didn't lead to a weapon. Something about a great treasure. They just don't know. Sir."

General Hammond nodded. "We'll have to close up Dr. Jackson's apartment again. Colonel O'Neill-"

"Sir, with all due respect, it's only been a week. Isn't closing up Daniel's apartment a little drastic?" Sam asked, stunned. They had been overdue by this long before! Why was now any different? She knew her boys would find their way home, eventually. It's what SG-1 did. 

"It's not what you think, Major. I got a call from Dr. Jackson's landlord this morning. It seems that Dr. Jackson had a tendency to pay his rent in advance, for approximately three months. That ended yesterday. I tried to explain as well as I could, but Mrs. Johansson was very adamant that she was displeased with Dr. Jackson's tendency to 'come and go as he pleases'. She recommended that Dr. Jackson might as well get a storage unit, instead of an apartment." The General frowned as he said this, his opinion of the woman obvious.

Sam groaned. "That's Daniel's fifth landlord since he started the Stargate program. He's starting to get a reputation in the Springs."

"Well, in this case, we don't have much choice. I'll make some phone calls to get his things into storage."

"GeneralHammond, would it not be a logical step to place DanielJackson's possessions in Colonel O'Neill's home?" Teal'c suggested. 

Sam watched the General nod, and then retreat to his office. She knew he was upset at finding out Daniel was having a hard time. She also knew he was worried about his two missing friends. She didn't envy him his rank and position, at this moment. In her heart, she gave thanks that he cared so much, even though he wasn't supposed to. 

She and Teal'c left the briefing room, heading for her lab. "That was a good suggestion, Teal'c. We can look after it tomorrow. Daniel's going to be pissed when he gets back."

"I do not believe DanielJackson cares where he lives. The Johansson woman was correct. It is merely a storage space."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, but he hates unpacking, and it drives him insane to think someone else packed up all his artifacts. He's always afraid someone is going to break them." 

Teal'c stopped walking, turned to her, and arched his eyebrow. "Then perhaps DanielJackson should refrain from disappearing, or dying, as often as he does."

Sam laughed, though it struck a cord of truth, too. But SG-1 as a whole had long ago decided that they had to laugh at Daniel's frequent deaths, because they'd go insane with worry if they didn't. It had never really worked to accomplish anything than take the edge off that worry, and mostly for Daniel's sake. For every joke, there was a deep underlining fear that the next time would be the last. For every drunken 'who's died in the most interesting way' competition there had been, there were memories of grief, loneliness and despair.

It was the military way. Laugh off what you can't cry about. Four years of watching her team mates come back from one more round with Death, and a few of her own rounds, had made her realize there was no malice in the policy. It really was the only way to keep going, and stay sane in a profession where Death was a constant bedmate. 

"Take comfort in the thought that they are together, Samantha. They will protect each other."

It was then Sam realized she was crying. She sniffled, and forced a smile for Teal'c. 

"You're right. If only he hadn't said he'd be right back. Well, the search is over. Officially. We'll have to hope they find their own way home."

"And in the meantime?" Teal'c asked.

"Life goes on."

~*~

Jack watched his sleepy lover come from the shelter. Daniel had obviously either needed the sleep, or their discussion had drained him. Jack was willing to pay good money on both. He still hadn't gotten Daniel to tell him what was wrong, but he had figured it out. The core, of it anyway. He was positive there were other layers. In time, he felt sure he could find those as well.

He smiled as he remembered the kiss they had shared earlier. It had been the first in a long time. Despite Daniel's hesitance in initiating it, Jack had been thrilled. He knew how much courage it had taken. It was no small gift from his lover. He just wished Daniel could see that as well.

There had been so much put into that kiss, all the things Daniel felt, but couldn't yet say. He knew Daniel carried doubts about them. For himself, Jack had never doubted Daniel's feelings for him. He knew Daniel loved him. The thought, added with the memory of the kiss, left a warmth spreading through him.

"Mary Steinberg?" Daniel asked lightly, sitting next to his lover, frowning as he realized Jack had discovered his stash of the tea. Shrugging, he helped himself to some.

"You."

Daniel held up the bladder. "This was supposed to be saved for later." 

Jack grinned. "It's later."

"Smartass." But it was said with affection. Clearing his throat, Daniel looked down at his hands. He had to get this out, even though it would probably embarrass them both. "I... Thank you, Jack, for that talk. I know you don't 'do the talking thing'. I appreciate it."

Jack shrugged. "Had to be said, obviously. And Danny, just so you know, I'll keep saying it until it doesn't need to be said anymore. I love you, everything about you."

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying their tea. Jack's thoughts turned once more to their survival. He hated the idea that they would have to split up, but he knew there was no other way. Daniel was right, they were going to need something to protect them from the ground, or at the very least, blankets to keep them warm. They had no idea how long it was going to take to find a Stargate, if there was even one to be found. Jack sat up, frowning.

"What is it?" Daniel asked, concerned. His eyes automatically scanned the campsite, looking for any predator, or threat. Finding none, he turned back to his lover. 

"We've never discussed the possibility that there might not be a Stargate here. We've been gearing up to find it, but we haven't actually thought it through. What if there isn't one? We could be stuck here for a very long time." 

Daniel smiled, noting that Jack didn't sound near as upset about that possibility as he should. He knew Jack missed his teammates, was worried about them, but he also knew Jack had meant every word of that painted picture. And that couldn't happen in their world. It was a nice dream, but they both knew it would never happen.

"I'm fairly certain there is a Stargate here. I'm also very certain that it won't be easy. Another part of the test is to move beyond life here, at this shelter."

"Yeah. It does kinda tempt a person to stay. Safe, sheltered and food all around. I gotta admit, leaving here for the unknown isn't exactly high on my list of 'really want to do'. But, if I head out tomorrow, manage to catch a larger animal, how long before you think we'd be ready to head out?" Jack asked. He was happy not to see surprise on his lovers face again when confronted with faith in his abilities.

"I figure you'll be gone at least three days. I can get together some supplies for you tonight. Assuming you get the animal back here with no accidents, it'll take a week of work to tan the hide, and dry the meat. I'm also going to make a little more pemmican. It's not great, but it's nutritional, and it'll keep. Then we can go find this treasure, then the Stargate."

"Whoa! Why are we going after the treasure? Whatever it is?" Jack demanded, not liking the idea. Daniel sighed patiently.

"First of all, we probably won't be able to find the Stargate until we do. Second, if we manage to make it that far, we might as well see what these trials were designed to protect. It may very be the weapon that will save earth, or information on another ally. I don't know what it is. It just makes sense to go after it. Don't you think?"

"I suppose." 

They sat in silence for a while, each contemplating the journey ahead of them, and what it could mean. Finally, Daniel cleared his throat.

"You can't retire."

Jack looked up, surprised by the change in subject. Daniel was staring at the fire, avoiding looking at him. Daniel's shoulders were hunched, unhappy and utterly miserable.

"I've done it before."

"Earth still needs you," Daniel argued adamantly. Jack smiled gently, reached over, and cupped Daniel's cheek, turning his face so Jack could make eye contact with him. Jack ran his thumb lightly over his lover's bottom lip.

"You need me. More than they do. What's more, I need you. I know you, Daniel. You'll go through each day, hiding, being my dirty little secret. Keeping quiet about how much it's hurting you. Until one day you're gone, and I never heard you say why. The military took Sarah and Charlie away from me, I won't let them take you too."

"They won't. I won't leave you. What we do is important. We have to think about more than ourselves. You're one of the best we have out there. You're a soldier. You always were, and will probably always be. It would kill you to sit at home while Earth is still in danger. You can't retire, Jack."

Jack sighed, knowing the truth to what his partner said, and hating himself for it. "I know."

"It was a nice dream, though," Daniel offered, wishing he could take away the pain that crossed Jack's face.

"It is a nice dream. Someday, Danny. I promise you, someday, we'll have it," Jack vowed vehemently. 

Daniel searched the brown eyes he loved so much, and found the conviction that mirrored Jack's tone of voice. Neither of them were stupid. They both knew that before this war was over, they'd lose each other, one way, or another. But, they had each other for now, and it would have to be enough. 

"Someday, Jack."

~*~

"Are you sure?" Jack asked again as they sat by the fire the next morning, sipping tea. Daniel sighed impatiently.

"It's only a headache, Jack."

"It's getting worse."

"I'm fine. It might be the air here. You have to go. We need to get going. The sooner we go through these tests, the sooner we can find the Stargate and go home. Sam and Teal'c must be worried, and I'm willing to bet that General Hammond isn't fairing much better."

Jack glared at his lover. "Dirty pool, Danny."

"I really will be fine, Jack. Don't worry. I've got lots to keep me busy. Just remember what I said. Go back to the spot where we woke up. Don't ever leave the area we've already been through," Daniel pressed urgently. He was worried that any step beyond their camp would begin the real testing. 

"I remember. And avoid caves at all cost. Make sure I lock the doors, don't talk to strangers, and never, ever take candy from the nice man at the park," Jack listed. 

He watched as Daniel grinned in spite of his obvious worry, which he was trying not to show. Jack hated leaving. He was worried about these headaches of Daniel's. What if something happened while he was gone? Daniel had prepared him well. He certainly wouldn't starve, and water wasn't a problem thanks to the little bladders of water that lined the bottom of the homemade tote bags. 

Jack had been impressed to see them. Simple, but functional. Daniel had also sewn together the rest of the small pelts for Jack to use as a small blanket. He hadn't asked what Daniel had used as thread, and since his partner hadn't offered up the answer, he was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

Daniel glanced at the sun. It was rising, and it was time to go. He glanced over at the surprisingly well made bow and arrows Jack had spent last night making. He hoped they would be enough. He had spent the night educating Jack in primitive hunting techniques, just in case. He had been surprised that Jack had not only listened, but had asked questions, sought clarification on certain points. 

He'd been overwhelmed at Jack's trust in his abilities right from the start. Both with primitive living, and with his ability to think their way out of this. He appreciated it, but a very large part of him was worried. He'd tried to make Jack understand just how dangerous it was probably going to be. Either Jack didn't believe him, or simply wanted to make less of it. 

Perhaps it was the knowledge that there was nothing that could be done about it. They really had no choice. They had to move on, eventually. This one last task for their survival, and they'd be as equipped as they could be for the upcoming journey.

"Hey, I'm going to be fine too. Three days in the woods is a piece of cake for me. And believe it or not, I was actually listening to your little lecture last night. Three little days, Danny. That's it. I'll be careful, I promise," Jack offered gently, seeing the fear on his lover's face.

Daniel forced a smile and nodded. "It's time to go."

They stood. Jack gathered up the supplies Daniel had packed, and the roll he'd made with the 'blanket'. Turning one last time, he tugged Daniel into a tight embrace. He felt Daniel give him a sharp squeeze, then turn his face and find Jack's lips.

The kiss was fierce, desperate, loving and a demand that Jack come back in one piece. Jack responded in kind. They pushed the limit for needing air as far as they could, then Jack broke away and left without another word to be said. This wasn't good-bye, after all. 

~*~

Daniel lay with his eyes squeezed shut against the pain. Jack had only been gone for a day when it had hit him hard. The headache that had been slowly getting worse had suddenly exploded. Sharp icicles picked their way deep into every part of his brain. Day two had brought on the fever that Daniel knew he had. Chills wracked him as the cool air hit his sweat soaked body. Every muscle ached and pounded in tandem with his heart. Muscle spasms left him breathless. 

A part of him analysed what he was feeling. Since the moment he'd arrived on this planet, he'd known the headache had little to do with the air, or his previous illness. Always in the back of his mind, something had been trying to get out. It was coming from the corner he kept tightly locked up. 

He knew what it was, of course. His first test. He'd put together the clues in this. His past was waiting for him to let it out, to see again everything he'd spent a lifetime burying. He didn't know how the planet was doing it, but he was certain. 

Daniel had figured it out early on, but their survival had been important enough to be able to tolerate the increasing pain to some degree. He didn't know why it had escalated after Jack had left. Maybe it had been simple coincidence. Maybe not. Either way, it had gotten him where he was now, curled up on the bed, desperately wishing he was strong enough to keep his past at bay.

The fever had been a surprise. It shouldn't have been. He had tried time and again to make Jack understand how dangerous these trials were supposed to be. The price of failure was death. He'd known that all along. In order to move on to the next test, you had to survive the one before it.

He struggled with his indecision. Only he possessed the key to that particular box of memories. He could have the courage to open it, or die trying to keep it locked. Trouble was, he knew there were dangerous things in that box that could threaten his life with Jack. 

Perhaps now, when Jack was gone, would be the best time to let it open? That way, he could pass this test, and Jack would never know. A part of him worried that Jack was being tested as well, he just couldn't figure out how.

He was grateful, in an odd way, that the 'sands of time' turned out to be his. He knew a lot about Jack's special op days, and his time in Iraq, and the memory of his dead son was one Jack fought with everyday. He worried what re-awakening those memories would do to his lover.

If he failed this test, would it pass to Jack? Would Jack be put through it anyway? He didn't think so. Everything here seemed to be geared toward one person. He suspected that somehow the trials would be directed to whomever it was deemed could learn more from it.

Sighing, he knew there had never been a choice. They couldn't move on without this. Taking a deep breath, Daniel sent out a mental call to his lover; then he ripped open the box.

~*~

Jack sat back, pleased with his work. Daniel's prediction of three days had been only slightly off. He wouldn't be able to travel before tomorrow, but he was only about a day's walk back to the cabin. He had secured what appeared to be two, what? Was there anything close on earth? It was a cat, of some kind. The fur was a little thicker than Daniel had described, but it would do. One was spotted, the other stripped, both white and black tabby. When he had gutted it, he had discovered that one was male, the other female. 

He needed to get the pelts back to Daniel. He'd gone through the motions of preserving the hides as well as he could, as per Daniel's instructions. It wasn't permanent, more preparation for transport. He'd made a travois with the smaller trees in the area. It would be heavy, for sure, but with the harness he'd made from Daniel's rope, he thought he'd do fine.

The only thing marring his thrill from his hunt was the feeling that something was wrong. Not for the first time, he wished they still had their radios. He'd tried very hard not to think about Daniel while he was hunting. Thinking only made him worry.

Daniel's worsening headache was a concern, but even more so was the feeling that Daniel had figured something out, and wasn't sharing. It wasn't like Daniel to be so emotional. And considering his normal stoicism, this past week's actions bordered on down right hysterics for the young man. Doubts or no, Daniel would normally have suffered in silence, until Jack figured out what was wrong.

Sitting back and enjoying the last of Daniel's tea, Jack thought back on how little he really knew Daniel. They'd always been close. Sometimes, they could even read each other's mind. They'd been acting like a married couple since almost day one. He genuinely thought he knew Daniel. He might not have the facts from Daniel life, or even know what Daniel had planned for the future. But he always thought he'd known the core of the man. This past week had shown how much more he was missing. Daniel had already lived ten lifetimes, it seemed. That wisdom and courage had been hard won.

Jack shifted, again feeling that need to get back to camp. It would be foolish to travel at night. He knew that. He just missed Daniel, and was worried about him. It was making his imagination blow things out of proportion. Yep. That was it. Just making a mountain out of a molehill. Sour milk into butter. Fishing in troubled waters.

Jack was up and moving before the last cliche ran through his mind. Something was wrong. His gut was telling him he had to get back. The terrain wasn't really that rough. He could handle it. He considered leaving his kill for all of three seconds. They needed it. 

Gearing up, Jack silently prayed that he was over reacting.

~*~

The sun was just coming up when a very tired Jack O'Neill walked into their camp. Daniel was nowhere to be seen. The fire pit was cold, like it hadn't been lit in days. The racks had been cleaned up and the meat was gone too.

Perhaps Daniel was still sleeping. Easing off the harness that had left him with sore shoulders, he went into the cabin. He frowned. The cabin itself was freezing, the little wood stove all but dead. Daniel was curled up on the bed, facing away from the door. 

That feeling returned as Jack rushed over to the bed. He moved to shake Daniel awake, but then noticed that despite the cold, the young man's back was soaked in sweat. Fear washed over him as he laid a hand on Daniel's neck, cringing at the heat radiating from the motionless man.

"Damnit. I knew I shouldn't have left you alone," Jack growled. His mind searched frantically for something he could do. Water. He needed to cool Daniel down. And how long had this been happening? He hadn't been away that long! 

Getting up, Jack went to gather what little supplies he could find. He would not lose Daniel out here!

~*~

"It has begun?"

"The young one is reluctant. He continues to fight the testing. His past is disturbing. I do not enjoy this. These humans- I do not understand how they can be so cruel to each other." Sharp eyes turned to his companion.

"And yet you do not suggest we stop the Trials?"

"This one is different. There is great strength within him. He has survived much. I see their potential, in him. If he survives, then I believe we should continue." A thoughtful nod.

"Perhaps it is time to begin testing the older one?"

"There is great love between them. I am uncertain the older one will be able to come through. He is blinded by his need to protect."

"Then perhaps we should open his eyes."

~*~

Jack ran the makeshift cloth over the heated skin. He'd stripped Daniel down to his boxers, and used his own makeshift blanket to keep him covered. He'd been back for a few hours. He'd taken the two hours to take care of the kills. He knew, despite his desire to stay with Daniel, that they would need them. Drawing on what he'd watched Daniel do over the past week, and his own skills, the pelt was stretched and drying, the meat cut into strips, and a fire started in the stove.

He was tired, and scared. The fever in his lover was still rising, no matter what he did to try and cool it. He alternated between cursing himself for leaving Daniel alone at all, and begging Daniel not to be too sick. No first aid kits, no medical help. They were alone. Was this Daniel's allergies? No, those shots Janet gave him were good for at least a month, and she'd given Daniel one just prior to this mission. And the symptoms didn't match. He'd seen enough of Daniel's attacks over the years to know that his frustration was desperately reaching for an answer, any answer.

Blinking awake, Jack realized he'd been about to fall asleep. He couldn't afford to give in to his exhaustion yet. He had to take care of Daniel. He could almost see Carter shaking her head at him. 'First rule of First Aid, Sir. Take care of yourself first. You're no good to anyone else if you get sick too!'.

Okay, he was losing his mind. He could actually hear Carter lecturing him. He smirked. And, as usual, she was right. Getting up, he stripped down to his boxers, then spooned up behind Daniel. The heat was unbearable, but he needed to be able to detect any change in his lover.

He was asleep in seconds.

~*~

As soon as he opened his eyes, he knew he wasn't in the cabin anymore. Everything around him was dark. Jack looked around. He appeared to be in a room. An empty room, it seemed. Blinking, Jack wondered if it would be gone when he opened his eyes. Nope. Okay, that was worth a shot. So. He was in an empty room when he should have been in a cabin. Was this one of Daniel's tests? Had they been transported somewhere while they were asleep? None of his internal "danger, danger" beacons were going off. He didn't feel threatened. But something was definitely off. 

A sound came to him. Someone was crying. Alerted, Jack moved carefully toward the sound, finding that the room got a little lighter with each step, until he could easily make out everything in the room. It was full of crates, like the kind Daniel put his artifacts in.

There. Sitting between two crates, was someone on his knees, their arms wrapped around themselves, rocking back and forth as he sobbed. There was something familiar about the pose. Concerned, Jack moved closer. What he saw made his eyes widen.

A child, a boy of about eight or nine, sat huddled against the crates. Jack moved forward slowly, not wanting to startle him.

"Hello?" The boy looked up, and Jack gasped. Blond hair, and bright blue eyes rimmed red. Smooth, pale skin reflected the poor lighting in the room. God, he looked just like Charlie. Desperately trying to get that thought out of his mind, he lowered himself to a crouch in front of the boy. There was something about those eyes he recognized. 

"Hi," he repeated gently. "I'm Jack."

"I know." Such a tiny voice, and so sad. Jack's heart ached for this boy.

"How do you know me?"

"Daniel knows you. He knew you'd be coming sooner or later," the boy replied. Jack had a feeling this was wrong. This wasn't who he was supposed to be talking to.

"You know Daniel?" A nod. "What's your name?"

The boy frowned, appearing to study Jack. "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you. He doesn't like it that I'm talking to you. But he's lost, Jack, and he needs your help to find him."

Frowning, Jack felt things were getting just too weird for him.

"Okay. But how about you tell me anyway?"

"Danny. My name is Danny."

Jack sat back, stunned. What the hell was going on? This was the weirdest dream he'd ever had! Except, it didn't feel like a dream. Just the opposite, it felt almost too real.

"Danny, do you know what's going on?" Danny nodded again. "Can you tell me?"

"He knew this was a test. He'd known it for days. He wanted to help you, first. When you left for the Hunt, he decided to complete the test by himself. He didn't know he'd get lost. Don't be mad at him."

Jack ground his teeth. Damn you, Daniel! He couldn't believe Daniel had kept this from him! Was this the reason for the headaches? The fever? "Wait. He's lost? Do you know where he is?"

Danny sighed. "He's here. He doesn't like these crates, or what's in them."

Jack reminded himself he was dealing with a child. He'd forgotten how frustrating it could be when trying to get a straight answer. He forced himself to smile.

"What's in them, Danny?"

The boy withdrew into himself, and refused to answer. The sobs and tears started again. Jack couldn't help himself. He drew the child into a tight embrace, and rocked him, murmuring soothing reassurances in his ear.

"My memories, Jack." Jack turned to find the grown up Daniel standing behind him, staring at the crates, fear etched on every line on his face. Jack turned his attention back to the boy, only to find he was holding air. Confused, but somehow knowing he was merely an observer here, he stood up.

"Daniel. What's going on here?"

"A test, Jack. The wall. Past. Present. Courage. And Truth. Welcome, Jack, to the Sands of Time."

"Okay," Jack drawled, still as confused as ever. "So, no desert then?" 

Daniel chuckled, his eyes never coming away from the crates. "No, no desert."

"So, we have to open them? There seems to be a color coding. Blue and red," Jack pointed out, wanting to get this test on the road. Daniel didn't look any healthier here than he did in reality. 

"Blue is for good, red is for bad. None of these are real, Jack, merely something I designed in my head when I was a kid. A way of coping, I suppose. Somehow, knowing I could box something up when I was finished living it made it easier."

"Daniel, you have to explain this to me. I'm as lost here as you are. What do we have to do?" Jack guided gently. He could feel how much Daniel didn't want to work his way through these crates. 

"I... I can't, Jack. I knew you'd come, but I didn't think it would be so soon. I've tried to complete the test on my own. I thought I just had to face the past, and come to terms with it. It wasn't until I got here, and tried to open them, that I realized the test was never for me, Jack."

Frowning, Jack just knew he wasn't going to like what was coming. Daniel glanced at him, seeing his confusion, offered Jack a grim smile.

"How can you love that which you do not know?"

"Are you saying that this trial is testing my love for you?" Jack barked unhappily. He regretted it when Daniel flinched away from the harsh tone, as though physically struck. Moving quickly, Jack had his arms around his lover, trying to soothe away the tremors there. "I'm sorry, Danny. I'm just confused." He felt Daniel nod against his neck.

"It's not testing your love for me, Jack. It's testing my love for you. My willingness to let you see all of me, and your ability to stand by and merely watch. You can't protect me from this, Jack. This is something we have to do together, but ultimately, something I have to survive alone."

As he spoke, suddenly every crate in the room disappeared, and in their place were three. One with a blue stripe, one with a red stripe, and one with a black stripe. Pulling away from the safety of his lover's arms, Daniel walked over to the third. He frowned.

"I never had any marked black, this is new." But Jack knew what it was, and he quailed before it as the true meaning of the test hit him. The black was the memories that Daniel had blocked out. That one box could destroy his lover. Somewhere deep inside him, he knew that. Just as deeply, he finally understood what Daniel had been trying to tell him all along. They could die here, or worse, lose themselves here. They had to be able to stand back and watch. "You have to open them, Jack. I can't. I've tried."

Stealing himself, Jack carefully considered. He knew they'd leave the blue for last. It was their only hope of emerging from the darkness of the first two. Sighing, he went over to the red one. He wasn't ready to handle anything that was bad enough for Daniel to have blocked out completely. He lifted the lid.

*********************************  
They stood in a room that was painted blue. In the corner was a single bed. A child, Danny, Jack supposed, laid on the bed, curled up with a thick book, a small smile on his lips as he read.

A gasp beside him made Jack look over to his lover. Daniel had paled, and was shaking his head. "No, not this, please, not this."

"Daniel-" His question was interrupted as a large man walked into the room. Danny remained blissfully unaware of his presence as his shadow loomed over him. Finally, the large man reached down and cuffed the boy.

"Look at me, you brat!" Danny had quickly looked up at the cuff. "You're always reading. It's not right. You're not right in the head. They didn't tell us you'd be a retard."

"I am NOT a retard!" Danny retorted quickly, full of indignation. Anger flushed the man's face as he reached down and grabbed Danny by the scruff of the neck, physically hauling him off the bed.

"You do not talk back! Understood?" Jack winced at the slur in the man's words. A drunken idiot. Lovely. He already knew he wasn't going to like what was coming. Daniel remained silent beside him, staring at the scene as it unfolded.

"Retards don't understand anything, remember? Except I understand how you work. You're going to beat me up just so you can feel like the 'big man'. How does it feel, to have so little power in reality that you have to beat a small boy just to prove how small your balls really are?" Danny snipped back. Daniel shook his head, and looked away. He couldn't watch as the man laid into the young boy. Jack swiveled his head between the scene, and his lover. He didn't want to watch either. Danny was skin and bone. Jack could hear the boys bone breaking even over sound of flesh hitting flesh. It broke his heart that despite the pain he must have been in, Danny uttered not a sound other than the odd moan or whimper he couldn't bite back.

"It was a mistake to provoke him. I knew that. Especially when he was drunk. Mr. McDougal was a mean drunk. I never understood why I did it. It was stupid."

Jack growled at his lover. "Daniel, this was never your fault. Tell me you believe that!" Jack hated that no answer came from the man at his side. How long were they supposed to watch McDougal beat the crap out of a helpless child? What was the point?

"The memory isn't over, Jack. The beating was never the worst part about this," Daniel answered, as though he could hear Jack's thoughts. Jack winced. Not the worst part? What could possibly be worse than this?

After what seemed like forever to Jack, McDougal finally stood over a nearly unconscious and bloodied boy, panting from the exertion. It was while he was watching Danny's face that Jack saw the small, pained smirk of satisfaction. Jack understood.

"This was a victory for you. He wanted to hear you scream. That's why he beat you so hard." Respect for the wise young child welled up in him. Daniel nodded sadly.

"It was a victory I paid dearly for."

Just then, another shadow came into the room. A small, petite woman rushed into the room. She stopped, and looked down at the lump on the floor. With a small cry, she stumbled to his side, glaring up at her husband.

"Why? He's just a baby, John! He needs help. We need to call an ambulance." She stood, and readied herself to move out the door, when McDougal reached out and grabbed her.

"He'll live. He needed to learn a lesson, Mary. Go back and make my supper." Mary tried to yank her arm away, which angered McDougal. Jack watched as the large man backhanded the woman. Mary screamed in terror and pain, which only goaded the man more. What he couldn't get from the child, he got from the woman.

Jack watched in horror as McDougal took out everything Danny wouldn't give him on his wife. Danny's weak cries didn't seem to reach the other man, until at last McDougal dropped the limp body to the floor. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as Mary's head hit the dresser at an odd angle. Jack flinched when he heard the unmistakable sound of a neck breaking.

McDougal turned and left without another word. Jack watched as the barely conscious Danny made his way painfully over to the dead woman. Checking her pulse, Danny began to cry silently. Jack knew it must have hurt. He could hear the wheezing rattle of punctured lungs in the boy. It was then he heard the whispers.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean it. So sorry."

Jack let his own tears fall as he listened, hurting for the child that had never had a chance to be one.

*****************************************

The memory seemed to black out, leaving the two of them standing in the darkness. Daniel was once again sitting down and rocking himself, arms held tightly around him.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean it. So sorry." Moving without thought, Jack scooped his lover into his arms, holding him tightly. But it was all the comfort he could offer. He just didn't have the words. Daniel knew all of the placatory words in the world would never change what had happened, knew they were empty words.

Things would never be all right. Nothing got better. Daniel had made a mistake that had nearly taken his own life, and had taken the life of another. It wasn't his fault. Logically, Jack was sure Daniel knew that. But in the eyes of a child? Of that same child who was still inside Daniel?

Once again, Jack feared what was in that black crate. If Daniel could bear to remember this, what else could possibly be worse? He could feel Daniel shaking against him. Rubbing his hand up and down Daniel's back, he continued to silently hold him.

His own heart ached to the point of breaking. How on earth had Daniel survived all of this and come out as sane as he had? His own tears fell into Daniel's hair. Jack let himself hurt for what they had just witnessed, and for the more he knew would come.

"Danny- I want to ask if you're okay, but I know you're not. I don't know what to say. I don't have any magic words that will take this away. All the platitudes in the world could never touch what happened. And I know there's more. But I will tell you this. You went through this alone the first time. You're not alone now. I'm here, Danny. Always will be," Jack promised gently, letting his own emotional turmoil come through in his voice. Daniel was unable to hide anything from him here. Jack wouldn't betray his partner by willingly hiding anything from him now. "We're in this together. Don't forget that, okay?"

A tiny nod. Jack could sense the fear in his lover. Not fear of what was in those crates, but fear of Jack's reaction to it. Of being left alone again. And above all, the fear that Daniel would lose Jack because of all of it. He tightened his hold.

You'll never lose me, Danny, Jack vowed again. He didn't know where this heightened sense of Daniel's emotions was coming from, and he knew it was getting stronger. He was thankful for it. Even now, Daniel was trying to hide from him. Jack wouldn't let himself be hurt by it. He knew Daniel was grabbing at a small amount of control from anywhere he could get it.

"We need to keep going. Are you ready, babe?" Jack felt the little explosion of air against his chest as Daniel chuckled. 

Daniel pulled back. "Almost." He reached up and brought Jack's lips to his in a kiss that seared right to Jack's soul. Daniel kept it up, as though drawing strength from Jack's touch. Happy to oblige, Jack poured everything he had into it. Finally letting go, Daniel smiled. "All right. Let's see what else door number one is hiding."

~*~

Jack could have sworn he'd lived every horror possible in the past hours. He knew it couldn't have been more than that, but it had felt like forever. He tried to be as strong as he could for Daniel. His own heart was breaking as they watched one atrocity after another. They'd not had another reprieve as they had with the first. It was a continuous flow, until, finally, they were in the dark room again.

Jack sat on the 'floor', stunned. Daniel quietly knelt in front of him, and remained silent. The back of his mind reflected that this was the pose Sha're had always taken, waiting for him to wake up. He sat back on his heels, his head down. He knew Jack needed time to process everything he had seen and heard. 

Daniel was shaking inside from his own reaction. But he'd known what was going to happen in each and every one of those memories. Now his fears rose once more. He couldn't even begin to describe the expression on his lover's face. Would Jack still be willing to be with him, knowing what he had gone through? That he was damaged goods? 

Even Daniel was smart enough to know that the kind of life he had led just had to have left a mental scaring. He was traumatized, no doubt about it. He'd always handled it, though. He hoped Jack remembered that part. Somehow, he'd always thought that if one knew one was being traumatized, then one would be able to control that trauma. He'd never done it. He'd merely buried each and every one of those memories here, in his own mental storeroom.

He'd never expected to be here. To have to face it all. And though he hated to admit it, he was eternally grateful that Jack was here with him now that he'd had to. It allowed him to focus on something else. Jack was hurting, he knew that. He also knew they would need to talk before they moved on. He wasn't sure what was in the black box, but he knew it would be bad. They had to clear one before they could finish.

So far, Jack had passed the test. He'd never tried to interact, to save 'Danny'. 

"You looked just like him, you know." Daniel blinked, and brought his head up. Jack was staring, almost through him. Daniel frowned, unsure what Jack meant. Then it hit him. Horror filled him as he realized it hadn't been Danny Jack had been seeing, but Charlie.

Jack seemed to read his thoughts, and shook his head. "No, I knew it was you. There were enough differences. It's just... What if something had happened to me while I was away on a mission? What if something had happened to Sara? I should have been there for him. Jesus, Daniel."

Daniel smiled as much as he could, reached out and laid a gentle hand on Jack's arm. "Charlie had a wonderful father that only wanted to make the world a better place for him to grow up in. And if something had happened to you, and Sara, then her father would have taken him in. And if something had happened to him, then your parents would have taken him in. And if by some fluke of bad luck, something killed the whole line, you and Sara had enough friends who loved Charlie as they loved you, to take him in. Don't think about it, Jack. It's pointless. Charlie could never have had the life I had. He was lucky to be loved so much. Don't take that away from him, Jack. And don't take it away from yourself." 

He waited, but there was no response. He realized at once that Jack was feeling guilty for how much Charlie had been loved, and how little he had been. Anger filled him. His fingers tightened painfully on Jack's arm.

"Don't you dare feel guilty. We all have our lot in life. This was mine. It was the price I paid to be a part of something as wonderful as the Stargate Program. For having General Hammond, Janet, Cassie, Sam and Teal'c as the only real family I've ever known. For having you love me. God, Jack. If I had to go back, knowing what was coming, I'd go through it all again, this time with a smile." Daniel sighed. "Charlie was a great kid, Jack, because of you. Please, don't compare the two. Charlie led a great life. He died knowing how much he was loved. There is no greater gift in life."

Jack nodded, still trying to bury the memory of his boy, and the comparisons going on in his head. Daniel was right. There was no comparison. Charlie would never have been placed in a situation to have these things happen to him. And surprisingly, the thought brought him a peace he hadn't known since Charlie had died. 

Blinking, he realized he'd let this become about him, when it really had nothing to do with him. 

"I'm sorry, Daniel." He loved the gentle smile that spread on Daniel's face as his lover caressed his arm. Again, understanding, patience and love shone through that growing connection he had to Daniel.

"Don't be, Jack. In this place, it's good to remember that there is good in the world, too. Charlie deserves to be remembered, and he deserves a smile from his father. Lets him know he's still loved."

"Have I mentioned that I love you?" Jack asked. Daniel chuckled grimly. It sounded forced to Jack's ears, and the pieces of his heart broke again to hear it. Daniel still didn't believe it. Wouldn't allow himself to.

"Come on, we're not done."

"Are you all right?" 

Daniel chuckled again. "I survived it once, Jack, I can again." 

Nodding, Jack stood. He wrapped Daniel in a tight hug. "One more bad, Danny, then we can get to the good. I'm here."

~*~

********************************

They stood in the woods. Jack rubbed his arms as he looked around. It was chilly, but not cold. Obviously, it was early winter. There were a few stubborn leaves hanging on the trees, but not too many.

"Where are we?" 

Daniel looked around, then shook his head. "I don't know. I don't remember this place."

Jack hated it when he was right. Daniel had completely blocked these memories. And they had been blocked for a reason. Looking around again, he waited to see something, anything that would get this one moving. 

As though his thoughts summoned him, a man came through the trees, carrying a rifle. He looked average enough. But there was something in his eyes that set Jack's instincts off. Trailing behind him was a young Danny Jackson, no more then 10. 

Daniel startled. "I remember him. The Major. He was my third foster parent. He was a nice guy. We all liked him. He never kept kids, though. He'd take in the abused ones, get them on the healing road, then send them away. "

Somehow, Jack doubted the picture Daniel was painting was the reality. The fact that the man had a rank didn't sit well with Jack either. He'd seen that look before. The guy screamed untreated PTSD. Unconsciously, he moved closer to his lover.

The Major stopped in the clearing, and went about setting up targets. Returning to the pack he had discarded, he removed a small berretta, and loaded it. 

"Come here, DJ." Screwing his face up, Danny came forward.

"My name is Daniel, Sir."

Jack nudged his friend with his elbow. "How come you never called me, Sir?" It had been meant as a joke, but he was surprised when Daniel frowned. He was starting to sense something wasn't right here.

"I was never afraid of you. By the time I was, it was too ingrained to call you Jack."

Jack felt his stomach drop. Daniel had been afraid of him? Was that why he still flinched away when Jack would come up too suddenly? Before he could ask, The Major had handed the gun to Danny. 

Jack took an automatic step forward to remove the gun from Danny's hand. Daniel grabbed his arm to hold him still.

"I survived, Jack. Remember that."

"Here you are, DJ. Now, you see those targets? I'm gonna teach you how to take 'em out." 

"But I don't want to know how to use a gun, Sir. My parents were archaeologists. I want to be one too. We don't need guns," Danny replied in total sincerity. The Major grunted.

"Yeah, and you're parents are dead. Maybe they should have, eh?" Jack didn't miss the pain that flashed through both Danny and Daniel's eyes. Danny, ever logical, couldn't really argue, so he took aim with the berretta. 

Jack and Daniel watched as the Major took Danny through his paces. Some time later, the kid was knocking targets off without flaw. The Major grinned and slapped the boy on the back.

"You're a natural, DJ. Just reload, while I look for another target." Danny nodded, and began to do as asked. Jack sensed the pivotal moment was coming. Tensing, he stepped even closer to a completely oblivious Daniel. 

Daniel was watching Danny, while Jack was watching the threat. Major whoever was looking around the clearing. A movement off to the side had the man yelling at Danny to shoot where he was pointing, quickly.

Jack felt Daniel start to shake beside him, and move forward. "No! Don't do it!" 

Now it was Jack's turn to grab Daniel to keep him from touching the memory. Daniel fought him violently, and Jack had to wrestle him down to his knees. Despite the struggle, Daniel hadn't taken his eyes from the child. 

Jack felt his lover flinch with each shot. They waited, and when fresh blood oozed from the still creature, Daniel turned and retched. But Jack didn't dare take his eyes from the scene playing out in front of him. Now that it had been unlocked, Daniel was going to have to deal with it, and Jack would need every detail he could get.

Danny stood, completely shocked. The gun fell from nerveless fingers. "Um, S... Sir? It's bleeding, Sir." The Major nodded happily.

"Means you hit it, DJ. You're a man now. Made your first kill. Want to see what it was?"

Jack heard Daniel whispering desperately in his arms, shaking his head. "No, no, no. Don't look."

But Danny was uncertain, and he wanted to know he hadn't done anything any real harm. He moved forward slowly, as though there was a string attached between the boy and the lump of white fur. 

There lay the shot up body of a small dog. It was definitely dead. Daniel had managed to get a bullet through its forehead. Jack noticed his lover's head was down, and put a hand on Daniel's neck.

"You don't have to see it again, Danny. You know what happened now, right?" Daniel nodded miserably as Jack forcefully turned him to meet only his eyes.

"It was the neighbors dog. It belonged to a little girl I had befriended. I remember now. It must have followed us out. I recognized it immediately. I couldn't believe it. The Major knew that was Geena's dog, her only friend in the universe. God, why didn't I stop to see? I was in shock. I couldn't even tell her what really happened. Fortunately, he was stupid, and left the carcass there. When Geena's step father went out looking for it, they found it, days later. I guess this was a popular spot for the Major to go, so it didn't take too much to add two and two together. He did get charged with it, and I was taken away. I knew he had done it deliberately. It was murder, in my eyes. I had murdered Geena's best friend. I never saw it as just a dog, Jack. But I couldn't tell anyone."

"Why not?" Jack asked softly.

"I didn't speak for a year after this. I just shut down. I stopped living, and went through each day simply existing. Funny part was, I could never remember what had happened."

"Daniel, what else is this crate?" 

"Nothing. I remember it all now. This is the last of it. Only good left now."  
*********************************

Jack blinked in the sudden darkness. They were back in the room. Jack was still holding Daniel, and Daniel was still trembling. That stirring echo of emotions in the back of Jack's mind was chaos.

"It's over, Danny. You're safe now. No, don't move unless you want to. We can take a few minutes to digest this."

"I murdered something, Jack. In cold blood. My God. That dog was all Geena had left of her real father. It might as well have been a person, Jack." Daniel shuddered as sobs wracked his body.

"Not in cold blood, Daniel. You didn't know. You were too little. There was no way you could have made the connection. The Major was a very sick man. He should have been treated for his PTSD and he never was. Sometimes, they get by us. But you knew that, didn't you? That's why you hate the military so much."

Daniel didn't answer, merely cuddled closer to Jack, as though he could be protected deeper in those strong arms. Jack wanted to protect him. Wanted to go back and kill every SOB that had hurt this gentle man. But he couldn't. He barely heard the whisper from his lover.

"I'd still go back and do it again, Jack, if it meant having the family I do now. I'm horrible, and selfish. I'm so sorry, Jack, but, God forgive me, I'd do it again."

"Shhh. I understand. It doesn't make you evil, Love, or selfish. You were just a kid, Danny. Just a kid."

That flutter of emotions rose up again, and Jack sensed the same doubt and fear he'd felt earlier. He hadn't bothered to stop and really question that connection. It was his only guideline right now.

"I don't think any less of you. I love you as much now as I did coming into this test. More, even. Daniel, you've beaten them, all of them. You could have become just like them, and you didn't. You're a kind, compassionate, gentle soul. I respect the hell outta you, for everything you've survived, and for everything you've accomplished. You fought a war, all by yourself, and you won. I'm proud of you, Angel, so very proud."

Jack blinked back his tears as he realized just how true those words were. 

"Come on, we still have one more to go," Jack encouraged gently. He was concerned when he felt Daniel sag against him. "Danny?"

"I'm tired, Jack. So tired." Worried, Jack felt his friend's forehead. No fever, but of course, they were in a dream world of some sort. 

"Just one more, Danny, then you can rest." Daniel nodded and pulled himself away. Standing, they both approached the blue box.

********************************************************  
Jack watched as a five year old Danny raced around the sands, happily running away from the camel that chased him.

"Danny!" A strong voice called. Danny stopped, turned and patted the camel, then raced toward his father, who scooped him up in his arms. "You've been wearing out Suskoo again, haven't you?" Jack frowned. He knew the words were being spoken in Arabic, but something was translating for him. He understood every word.

"He's fun! Daddy, when's Mommy coming back?" 

Melbourne Jackson chuckled. "She's back now, that's why I came to get you. And she's got a surprise for you!" 

Danny wiggled to get out of his fathers arms, screaming in shrill joy. "Yay! A surprise!"

Jack wrapped an arm around Daniel's shoulders, seeing the tears and smile on his face. "You were loved, Danny," he whispered in lover's ear. He felt Daniel's hand move up to squeeze his in thanks.

Danny was racing across the sands, having no more difficulty running on the shifting stuff than any normal child would have had running across grass. He ran right around the corner of a tent, and Jack stared.

The woman standing in front of him was beautiful. He had always expected Daniel's parents to be geeks, but perhaps he should have known better. Melbourne Jackson was a fair sized man with a strong face full of character. Claire Jackson was a small woman with the bluest eyes Jack had ever seen, even bluer than Daniel's. Her face was delicate, and when she smiled at the small boy she caught in her arms, Jack could see the same beauty of soul reflected in that smile that he could see in Daniels.

"She's beautiful, Daniel." 

"She was, yeah. I'd forgotten, how pretty she was. The last image I had of her-" Daniel stopped abruptly. Jack squeezed his shoulders again, recognizing that perhaps these good memories were even more painful for Daniel than the bad ones.

"She deserves to be remembered, Danny, and she deserves a smile from her son," Jack repeated. Daniel looked up, surprised, then he smiled and nodded.

"Mommy! Daddy says you have a surprise for me!" 

Claire laughed. "I do, Danny!" Turning, she brought out a leather bag. Jack squinted, and immediately recognized the leather tool case Daniel carried around. It was in considerably worse shape than the one Claire was handing Danny, but still recognizable. 

Danny opened it carefully, and squealed in delight as he saw the case was full of the same tools his parents used. Face shining, the child looked up. 

"Thank you! Now I'm an archaeologist too!" The Jackson's laughed as one, the arms they held around each other indicating the love between them was as strong as the love they had for their son.

"Not quite, Danny. But you have just become our official helper. You'll have to be careful, and listen to everything your mother and I tell you. If you do that, then I think we can start training you. We'll have to step up your studies," Mel warned. But Danny was still grinning.

Jack glanced at Daniel, and saw that same sad smile on his lips. Realizing he was being looked at, Daniel shrugged.

"They did it, too. Trained me as though I was their apprentice. Sometimes they were tough on me, but I never complained. It was what I wanted to do most in the world. You see, Jack, why I stayed with it after they died. They worked so hard to train me. I wasn't going to let that go to waste. Archaeology was everything to my parents. They could have easily put me to the side, and continued with their careers, but instead they got me involved. I was never given the chance to be jealous of their work, because I was so much a part of it. It was hard work, and I loved it."

Jack nodded, a small part of him wishing he could have had the type of job that would have allowed him to involve Charlie. Just then, a funny thought struck him. Military, Special Ops, and a thousand missions that could have left Charlie fatherless, never had. 

Instead, it had been two archaeologists who lost their lives in the line of their work, leaving a small boy an orphan. Somehow, Jack decided, the fates had messed up. The Jackson's were supposed to be safe. Were supposed to have been able to raise their son in relative peace.

Daniel's quiet words interrupted his not so happy musings. "You know, if it had happened here, then I would have been fine. Rashid would have taken me in. He and my father went to University together. They've been working together ever since. There was a part of me that loved him as much as I loved my parents. But it all goes back to the Stargate, doesn't it? If that had happened, I wouldn't be where I am today."

"Danny, it doesn't make you a bad person to want the life you've got. You've paid a hefty price to be here. That you're willing to go through it all again in order to still be here, it just makes you a stronger person than most. And we already know you're ten times as stubborn," Jack joked.

He was surprised when Daniel didn't laugh. Instead, he had a very large frown on his face, as though he were trying hard to remember something. "Danny?"

"It all goes back to the Stargate," Daniel repeated to himself, moving forward. The memory hadn't ended like the others. The Jackson's were gone. It was only Jack and himself standing outside a tent. Daniel started moving toward it. There was something niggling at the back of his mind. Something here he knew he needed to remember.

Jack followed, unsure what Daniel was doing, but knowing enough from the expression on Daniel's face to realize he was working something out. He followed Daniel into the tent and watched as he knelt by a small cot. From the various stuffed camels on the surface, Jack gathered this was Daniel's bed.

He watched as Daniel got down on all four, and searched under the bed. A groan of frustration came from Daniel. 

"It's too soon. We need to move on to another memory," Daniel announced. And with that, the scene changed. 

They went through a few happy memories, and each one, Daniel searched under the bed. Finally, he seemed to find what he was looking for as the Jackson's celebrated Danny's 8th birthday. 

"Daniel, what are you looking for?" Jack asked. Daniel held up an object wrapped in leather with a grin.

"This! I found it on my very first dig. I kept it, because I knew my parents would never let me. So I hid it. I never knew what it was. I was never able to translate it. I lost it when they died. Here, Jack." Daniel handed it over to his friend.

Curious, Jack carefully unwrapped it, and gasped. It was a tablet, with seven Stargate addresses on it.

"Daniel?"

"I didn't know what it was. I had completely forgotten about it until now. Jack, four of those addresses aren't on the Abydos cartouche! Three of them aren't among the ones you downloaded! Three brand new gate addresses! Give me a minute. We don't know when this memory will end, and I need to memorize them." 

Jack watched as Daniel worked, stunned. Daniel had barely paid the least bit of attention to the passing memories in his search for this tablet. Everything they had been through had suddenly faded to the background. Jack could sense Daniel's total focus on the object in front of him. Nothing else existed.

Jack felt his dream falling away from him. He sensed something vitally important was happening here. He was being offered a choice. He could allow Daniel to bury everything that had happened in the light of this new discovery, and thereby protect him. Or he could force Daniel to face everything they had seen, and what it meant between them.

This is my test, Jack realized. He glanced at the birthday party being had in the background. And it had become just that. Background. Daniel had dismissed it completely. 

"Daniel."

"Jack, I'm busy. I've got to get these into my head before we lose them. They could be important," Daniel replied absently. Jack marched over to the young man, and grabbed the tablet. "Hey!"

"Daniel. Look. That's your birthday they're celebrating. Those are your parents. Your friends. The last birthday you ever had with them. Don't you think it deserves to be watched?"

Daniel sighed. "I remember it, Jack. As much as I need to. This is more important. This is an incredible opportunity. If these addresses work, then we have three new worlds to explore, with little chance of occupation by the Goa'uld. That's worth more than a cake and silly hats."

Stung, Jack lowered his head. "It's never been about the work for you, has it? It's a mask. Something to hide behind. If you don't see past your own little world, then you don't have to see the reality of the real world. You'd never have to open these crates if you were too busy doing everything else, worrying about everyone else."

Daniel remained silent, knowing that at least part of what Jack had said was true, and unwilling to lie about it. He didn't understand why it seemed to hurt his partner so much. Whatever his reasons, he was a workaholic, and Jack had known that.

"Is that why you hold back from me?" Jack asked sadly. "Is that why whenever things get too tender, or too emotional, you delve into a translation, or an artifact? Because when I finally let you down, at least you'll still have your work to go back to?"

Anger flared through Daniel that Jack was turning this into a personal attack. "And what if it is? You're my best friend. And we went through hell together. We were almost coming apart at the seams in friendship. Forgive me for needing a safety net. It's not you, Jack. It never has been. I love you. I want this to work. But I just can't see it happening. As this little test should have proven, I have issues. Deep ones. How long are you going to put up with it? How long before you figure out I can never be the man you want me to be?" 

Taking a deep breath, Daniel looked stricken. He hadn't meant to say all that. He could see the hurt in Jack's eyes, and he knew that, at last, he had managed to destroy this precious relationship before it had even had a chance to begin. But, then, maybe that's what he'd been subconsciously trying to do from the start. He wasn't worthy of Jack's love. He never had been. He never would be. He knew that. And he knew it was only a matter of time before Jack figured it out too. Time to finish this.

"I could never give you everything you deserve, Jack. I think we both know that. I've been fooling us both. Maybe it's time the truth came out. I've never loved anyone like I love you. Not even Sha're. What we have goes so much deeper than that, but it's not enough. I thought it could be. I really did. I'm sorry. So sorry to have dragged you into this."

Jack glanced toward the party. He saw the totally happy smile on Danny's face, and wished he could put that smile back on Daniel's face. Sadness welled through him as he realized Daniel still hadn't looked over at the simple, but festive scene.

"I would hope that wherever he is, Charlie remembers his last birthday with us. It was larger, fancier than this. But the love was no different. Funny how totally different your last birthdays were, but all the basics were the same. It was never about the cake, or the silly hats. It was about being loved. It was about celebrating the light that person's life brought into the lives of those around him. It was about having people around you who were glad you were born. Watch them, Daniel. You made them happy. Not their careers, not the upcoming project at the museum. You. They lived for that smile."

Jack turned to his lover, watching Daniel try and stare through the scene in front of them, and failing. Tears brimmed those blue eyes, as Daniel shook his head. He didn't want to remember that life had been better. That he'd been loved. He didn't want to remember that his parents had given it all up by standing underneath a heavy coverstone.

Kneeling down in front of his lover, Jack reached over and cupped Daniel's face. "If you were worthy of their love, why not mine?"

"Jack, please don't. I can't think about that again. In some ways, this memory is the most painful one of all. You could lose so much for me. It's just not worth it." Daniel's plea broke Jack's heart for the thousandth time since this test had started. 

"You stand to lose just as much. Being beaten up everyday by homophobic marines isn't exactly a pleasant thought. They could, and eventually would, drive you out of the Stargate program. A little closer to home. What will General Hammond, Doctor Fraiser, Carter and Teal'c think, if they ever found out? Could you stand to be seen as less in their eyes? Am I worth those risks, Danny?"

"Yes!" Daniel answered firmly, and through his connection, Jack felt the truth of it. 

"Are you sure? I'm a mean old soldier who has, can and will probably kill again and again without thought, for his country. I've been a POW. I'm a father who didn't teach his son to respect guns. I'm a husband who was so wrapped up in himself he couldn't see how much his wife was hurting. And didn't care. I'm a man who accepted a suicide mission just to escape himself. And I'm a friend who let his best friend down when he needed me the most."

"And each of things worked to make you who you are today. I love everything you are, and were, and will be."

"Then why is it so hard for you to believe that I might feel the same about you? I'm ready to retire for you. Just so I can shout how much I love you from the rooftops. So I can kiss you in the middle of the grocery store. So I can hold your hand when we go for a walk. God, Danny. I want all that and more. If I'm more than those things I said, then it's because of you. You've changed my life for the better. You've been a guiding light in even the darkest times. How on Earth can you believe I can do better than you?"

Daniel licked his lips then looked over at the memory again. Seeing for the first time since the day it had really happened the happiness in his parents. The sheer thrill of having surprised him. He felt the warmth of the sun, the smell of his mother's perfume, his father's cologne. He could taste the slight spice in the Egyptian air. He felt an echo of that moment's happiness.

Closing his eyes, he smiled. The few times he'd ever taken this memory out, it had been clouded and darkened with grief. Would his parents be out there somewhere, hurting because he had chosen to remember only the event itself? When it was the smaller details that had made the day so perfect? It had been the last time he'd ever felt completely loved and safe.

Until Jack. There was a safety in those strong arms that he hadn't felt in such a long time. There was a tenderness, a gentleness in every small touch, every expression of comfort, or support. Even their banter expressed a security in their friendship, in their connection, that they could do this without offense. A trust that ran so deeply between them that it had never been questioned. 

At least, not until had let his own self-doubts intrude. It was the next revelation that hit him. He opened his eyes quickly, and stared at Jack.

"You loved me all along." 

Jack smiled gently at the wonder in Daniel's eyes. He nodded. "In one form or another, Danny. As you loved me. It wasn't until our brains got in the way of our hearts that we started to go wrong. And this memory is more than just one more thing to be buried. This is your last chance to refresh all these scents, expressions, and laughter. You've been given a gift, Danny. Don't throw it away. Not for some gate addresses you've already got memorized. Not for me. Take a moment and allow this to happen. "

Daniel nodded, and turned his full attention back to the small scene. Pain welled in his heart for the parents, the security and the love that he had lost. But he was realizing he had made it lost to himself. All he'd ever had to do was look back at this one special day. All the information was here. Every nuance gave a hint at the joys surrounding the small group of people. And countless other memories had been stored away, hidden.

He'd been convinced he didn't deserve the happiness he was witnessing. These precious memories had become dusty, and cloudy with self- doubt and grief. He let the tears fall for the first time since his parents had died. He let the love of those two people swell in his heart. He let the laughter flow through his soul. Closing his eyes, he tilted his face toward the sun, letting the sounds filter through.

Jack watched silently as his partner embraced the memory for perhaps the first time. There was pain, yes, but also joy. It was hard to stand by and simply watch. Hard to see the pain, the tears, and not rush to hold Daniel. Wrap him in his own arms and keep the world out. But he knew Daniel needed this. Maybe he wasn't the only one. Maybe the idea wasn't to try and protect Daniel from everything. There were some things, Jack suddenly realized, he had to let Daniel experience on his own. Good or bad. Jack's role was to be there and comfort when it was over.

"Guess we both had lessons to learn," Jack murmured.

~*~

"It is over."

"Are they worthy?"

"Worthy enough to continue. The young one will require rest, and time. As will the older one."

"It was close. The young one fought hard against the First Trial," disapproval sounded heavy in the melodic voice. His companion turned to him and smiled.

"He knew it for what it was, and pushed his own discomfort aside to necessitate for their survival. He knows what is happening, is aware of the smaller Tests as well as the Trials. We should allow them to continue."

A moment's hesitation before his companion nodded. "Very well then."

~*~

Jack opened his eyes, and was surprised to see Daniel's face so close to his. Looking around, he realized they were back in the cabin. Daniel was still deeply asleep, by his breathing. Noting it seemed easier than it had, Jack quickly put his hand to his lover's forehead, and breathed a sighed of relief. The heat from before was all but gone. The remaining fever was low grade, at best, and dissipating fast.

They would be all right. There would be fallout from this Trial, but Jack knew they had passed. And had gained much from the experience themselves. He knew Daniel would try and run again. It was in his nature. Part of Daniel's charm was the fact that he seemed oblivious to how loveable he was. 

Jack knew he'd stay with Daniel for every step. They had a long road to travel, but one thing Jack knew with more certainty than he'd ever possessed, was that they would travel it together. 

"A few bumps on the way to Heaven, eh Danny?" Jack whispered, lightly tracing his fingers down those soft cheeks. "We'll make it. Not gonna let you give up. Not on us, and not on yourself. Trust me, Danny, as you always have. I've let you down before, and somewhere along the line, I just might again. We're none of us perfect. But as long as we both promise to try our best, then that's all that can really be asked."

"Love you, Jack," Daniel murmured in his sleep, as though hearing the whispered promises of his lover. 

Gathering Daniel closer to him, Jack kissed the top of the silk hair he loved. "Love you too, Danny. Always."

Closing his eyes, Jack let himself sleep, knowing that for now, they were safe. "Always," he repeated just before drifting off.

End.


End file.
